I run a hand through my hair, still longer than usual, even after the cut I got right after Alicia’s comment about my hair and beard.
I couldn’t bring myself to cut it the way I used to, or shave the beard off completely. Keeping it this way felt like holding on to something new. A safer version of me.
I glance across the yard, trying to focus on anything else—like Ethan, sitting there typing on his phone, a small smile on his lips.
Ethan gave me the cold shoulder all afternoon. Every time I tried to help, he made sure to be somewhere else. If I was at the bar with Mark, he was busy with the chairs. When I moved to the table to help Cecily with the plates, he’d head back to Mark. Even with the decorations, he stayed on the complete opposite side of wherever I was.
Once the guests arrived, it became even easier for him to avoid me completely.
I feel eyes on me and turn just in time to catch Felicity, Mark, and Ceci glancing my way.
Are they laughing at me? Whispering that I’m getting exactly what I deserve? That maybe this is my punishment?
And maybe it is.
I look away.
The sound of kids laughing, water splashing, music playing. It all blurs together.Maybe I should just leave.
If I go now, they’ll enjoy the rest of the afternoon without the awkwardness of pretending I belong here.
“Mr. Colin,” one of Alicia’s friends calls out. I think her name is Melanie. “Can you take a picture of us? All of us together?”
“Of course,” I say, standing right away and walking toward the group of four boys and eight girls gathered by the pool.
They crowd closer, laughing and bumping shoulders. I take several photos with different phones, switching from one to the next as they hand them over.
When we’re done, Alicia steps forward and touches my arm. “Thanks.”
I smile and lean down to kiss her forehead.
“There’s nothing to thank me for, honey.”
She turns back to her friends, and I step away, giving them space.
My eyes wander around the backyard. It’s smaller than the one at the old house, but it feels warmer. The whole place does. Cozier. Every detail carries Ceci’s touch.
Even after all these years, she never lost that gift. The way she can take an ordinary space and turn it into something that feels like home.
Alicia didn’t want anything fancy, but Ceci made it beautiful anyway.
I take a breath, and the realization hits hard.
All those years. All those birthdays. I’d walk in just in time to shower before the guests arrived, or show up right alongside them. We always hired people to take care of things. Planners, decorators, catering teams. And I told myself that was love. That providing was enough.
But looking around now... watching her do it all—not because she had to, but because shewantedto—I see it.
Everything I missed and dismissed.
The truth is, it wasn’t just the parties I wasn’t there for. It wasthem.Her. All of it. And now I’m standing here, on the outside looking in, realizing too late how much of my family’s life happened while I wasn’t paying attention.
The pizzas arrive, and soon the air fills with the sound of laughter and the smell of melted cheese and tomato sauce. Everyone’s busy eating, voices overlapping.
I walk over to the bar, where Mark’s alone for once, wiping down the counter. “Mind if I make myself a tonic with lime?” I ask.
“I’ll make it for you,” he says quickly, already reaching for the bottle.
I keep my eyes on him the whole time, not because I doubt his skills, but because I know him. The last time I let him pour me a drink without supervision, he spiked my brandy with chili just to “teach me not to show up late to my own house.” Back then, I’d cursed him under my breath and forced a laugh for the kids. Now, the memory tightens something deep inside me.
