Full disclosure, I’ve wanted this move for a long time. New York is for visits now, occasional trips to see Ethan, Mark, and his family.
The thought of Mark makes me try to sit up faster than my enormous belly allows.
“What is it?” Alexander asks, startled. “Are you okay? Contractions? Do you need something?”
I laugh. I’d love to say this reaction has something to do with the fact that I’m forty-two now and this pregnancy requires a bit more care. But the truth is, he was exactly the same when I got pregnant at thirty-nine.
He doesn’t let me do anything. He hovers, constantly attentive, perpetually on standby. It’s endearing. I love him for it. And sometimes, it makes me want to smother him with a pillow.
“Your son is fine. I’m fine,” I tell him, leaning back onto the headboard as I reach for my phone. “I just remembered I need to call Mark and check how his little girl is handling teething.”
Alexander kisses my forehead, then the tip of my nose, then my lips, before getting up to check on the twins, making sure they’re sleeping soundly.
As he sits on the edge of the bed, my fingers follow the star map inked across his back. A careful blend of geometry and pointillism, fine lines connecting constellations that orbit a sun and a moon fused together, both rendered with impressive realism. He carries an entire universe on his skin, something intricate and beautiful.
Alexander sketched it himself. Ethan refined the details. And just months ago, he added a new star. Unique constellations, each one marking the center of his world. Me and our five children.
I smile and lean forward to press a soft kiss to his back before he pulls away. I watch him leave the room, the smile staying with me even after he’s gone.
My gaze drops to my wrist, to the small moon that represents me—because that’s what Alexander sometimes calls me—and to the sun beside it, for all the light he’s brought into my life. Next to them, four stars. One for each child.
When it’s safe, I’ll add one more, I think, resting my hand over my belly.
Then Alexander’s voice drifts through the baby monitor, hushed and tender, and my smile deepens. I could never have asked for a better husband, partner, or father to my children.
Not even in my wildest dreams.
September
Alexander
“Papà.”
Alicia calls out, and I turn from the coffee machine to find her perched at the kitchen island, smiling at me. No matter how much time passes, hearing her call me that never gets old.
It started as a joke, her teasing her younger siblings when they first began babblingpapà. Somewhere along the way, she stopped calling me Alex altogether, and I simply becamePapà.
I’ll never forget the day she asked if I minded. She said she could go back to calling me Alex, if I preferred.
“Please don’t,” I told her then, my voice thicker than I expected. “Unless you want to. The first time you called me Papà, even if it was just to tease Alessio and Stella, my heart nearly burst. In my mind, and in my heart, you’re already my daughter.”
She hugged me after that. And when I glanced toward the kitchen door, I found Cecilia watching us, smiling in that gentle way that will always undo me.
“Sì, piccola?” I answer now, pulling myself back to the present.
“Why is driving only allowed at eighteen here?” she complains, propping her cheek in her palm. “I couldn’t wait to turn seventeen so I could drive, and now I have to wait another whole year.”
“I don’t make the laws,” I say, walking over to wrap an arm around her shoulders. “But after your brother is born, we’ll look intoguida accompagnata[LXXXIV]. That way, whenever you’re with one of us, you can drive and practice.”
She sighs, then smiles.
“Grazie, Papà,”[LXXXV]she says, resting her head on my shoulder.
“Di niente, piccola,”[LXXXVI]I murmur, kissing the top of her head.
Alicia is staying with us in Pisa for her senior year of high school, and then she plans to return to New York for college.
Her father agreed to the move. She spent the entire summer with him and flew here two weeks ago to prepare for school. Colin will visit every month. She’ll spend Christmas with us, and New Year’s—and the rest of her breaks—with him in New York.
