“Thank you,” I murmur.
One sip, and guilt lodges in my chest as all the good memories rush back. If only I had understood how irreversibly silence shatters what it touches.
“You can sit, Colin.”
I realize then that I haven’t moved an inch. I sit down on the couch across from her and look at Ceci. She seems... different. Even more beautiful than the last time I saw her.
When she looks up, I look away, and we sit there without speaking, drinking our coffee.
Ceci is the first to speak.
“You said you needed to talk about us. But there hasn’t been an us for almost a year now… longer, if I’m being honest with myself. What could possibly be left for us to talk about?”
There is no accusation in her voice, only genuine confusion.
Next week will mark one year since my world collapsed. And I needed to do this before the date arrived.
“I know.”
I take the last sip and set the mug down on the coffee table.
“Maybe it’s selfish of me to bring all of this back to the surface. But I feel like I owe this.”
I lift my eyes to hers. “I owe us this. The us we were before.”
Ceci holds her mug with both hands. Her expression gives nothing away.
“I owe you an apology. A real one.”
Her confusion deepens, and I brace myself.
“Not because I got caught. And not an apology rooted in guilt. To do that... I need to tell you a few things. Things that won’t be easy for me to say, and maybe even harder for you to hear. But they might help you understand.”
I drag my hands down my thighs, wiping my palms.
“On—on the day our divorce was finalized...” The words scrape out of me, my throat raw. “Something happened. And later I realized that everything I did...all of it... came from excuses I kept feeding myself.”
I swallow hard and force myself to meet her eyes. She needs to see that what I’m about to say is unfiltered and nothing but the truth.
“When I got to the hotel, I went down to the bar... and there was a woman there… I won’t go into details. We drank. And then I spent the night with her.”
What I don’t confess is that I told myself it no longer mattered. We were no longer married. At least this time, I wouldn’t be cheating on her. Again.
I don’t tell her that despite being sober enough to remember every detail, I couldn’t remember that woman’s name the next morning. I don’t tell her how empty it felt.
“Later, when I thought about all the justifications I came up with...” I shake my head. “I realized they were nothing but excuses. Selfish. Pathetic. No different from all the others.”
“Every time I cheated on you. Every time I wasn’t there for you... for our kids.”
My voice falters, but I don’t look away. “When things started with—”
“You can say her name,” Ceci says evenly. Her face unchanged.
I nod. “When things started with Maya… I saw her interest in me clearly. I wasn’t some clueless boy. And she wasn’t the first woman to look at me that way.”
“If she wasn’t the first,” Cecily asks, “then why her?”
I close my eyes for a single breath. “She was there. She was always there. And I wanted her there. The truth is... it could have been anyone. The result would have been the same.”
