Catherine liked clean lines and tidiness, and the thought of another person cluttering her space always overrode the waves of loneliness that washed over her from time to time. She slipped into her silk pyjamas and brushed her teeth, chuckling to herself as she recollected Penny’s staunch refusal to bend to Loz’s will and change her name. Catherine wasn’t sure how she would feel about changing her name, not that the situation had ever arisen or was now ever likely to, but she could see Penny’s point.She spat out the toothpaste and rinsed her mouth, meeting the weary eyes of her fifty-six-year-old self in the mirror.
When one reached a certain age, things became more fixed, immutable even, including one’s sense of self. No matter what, she’d always be Catherine Truscote.
Yet even her own mind finished that sentence with…and Dalton.
For so many years —too many years— it had been Truscoteand Dalton. Could she really extricate herself from that now? Or was it just as fixed as the rest of her?
Sliding between her soft bedsheets, she turned off the lamp and sank into the plush pillows. As sleep tugged her under, all the overwrought emotions and stress of the last few days dissolved into the blackness behind her eyelids.
3
BOYS DON’T CRY
1988
Icould almost make out the lyrics thumping through the thin wall; something about boys not crying. I didn’t know the song. And even if boys didn’t cry, after the screaming match I’d heard between mother and daughter earlier, a girl was definitely crying on the other side of that wall.
My mum’s kind face smiled out at me from the photo of us I’d stuck by my bed.
As daylight tipped over the horizon, I peered from the window into the square, four floors below. Scores of fresh-faced students were still lugging boxes and bin bags from cars. Some shuffled through the throng clutching books to their chests, while others guffawed at the high jinks of their new acquaintances. Then there were the worried-looking parents being bundled back into their cars and waved off as if their offspring’s newfound freedom couldn’t come quick enough.
Turning away from the window, I smoothed my handover my fresh bedsheets and picked up my mum’s blanket. Over time, the comforting smell of her had faded and morphed into my own, but I still liked to hold it to my nose, as if breathing her in might bring her back.
I pushed up my glasses and glanced around my new room. Everything already had its place, including my suitcase, neatly stowed under the bed. The sinking sun glowed against the off-white walls and all their scars from former occupants. There was an odd stain on the carpet by the desk, and the brown curtains smelt musty, but I had a room to myself — thanks to the generosity of the Daltons, who’d forked out extra for a single-occupancy dorm.
“Trusty? Are you in there?” Jeremy’s bellow sounded over the thumping bass of a song I assumed was calledGigantic,as that was the main lyric repeated over and over. I opened the door and admitted my lanky friend to my new digs. “I’ve been knocking for ages,” he said.
“Sorry, I can barely hear myself think.” I tilted my head to the wall shared with my noise-offensive neighbour.
“You could always try to drown it out with yourOrinoco Flow.”
I playfully hit his arm. “Don’t mock Enya. She helps me concentrate.”
Jeremy laughed and rubbed the patchy stubble on his chin. He’d been trying — and failing — to grow a goatee for months, but his facial hair appeared in clumps and never where he wanted it to.
“Right then, Fresher, are you ready for the big campus tour? We can start with the library, then grab some supperand swing by the Union for a pint of Purple on the way home?”
“What’s Purple?” I asked as I bent to pull on my battered Dunlops.
“Our official campus drink — cider and black.” He waggled his eyebrows. “It’s disgusting, but it only costs 80p a pint!”
“Why drink it when you can afford something you actually like?” I grabbed my denim jacket from the hook behind the door.
“I’m trying to blend in.”
“You’d have far more luck with the girls if they knew you were rich.”
“Two things. One: I want them to like me for more than my wallet.”
“Fair.”
“Two: one of the reasons you’re here is to stop me getting distracted by girls. I don’t want either of us to have to face the wrath of my parents if I don’t graduate with first-class honours.”
I grinned. “Good. That was a test, and you passed!”
In the hallway, my neighbour’s obnoxious music added to the dissonant blend of slamming doors and spirited conversations. I glanced at Jeremy with raised eyebrows.
“Don’t worry, it’ll quieten down once everyone’s settled in. And failing that, there’s the library, or my place — I live with a bunch of computer science geeks and maths nerds. The place reeks of Lynx and desperation, but the liveliest they get is debating the Riemann Hypothesis.”
