Catherine opened one eye and observed Penny liberating a pair of tortoise-framed sunglasses from a tangle of headphones, which were also looped around a bunch of keys. She sometimes wondered how the two of them were friends —former lovers— when they were so categorically different, but she loved Penny because of who she was, not despite it. Maybe that was why their friendship worked as well as it did.
“What are you grinning at?” Penny slid the sunglasses over her eyes and sat back.
“Nothing. Just enjoying the sunshine, the sound of the river, and your company. This is lovely.” Catherine angled her face back to the sun.
“What are your plans for the rest of the weekend?”
Penny’s question was innocent enough, but like a pin, it popped the bubble. Because as lovely as this was, afterwards she’d go home alone, the rest of the weekend stretching out like an ocean to the horizon. She wouldn’t admit it to Penny, but Juni really was the only bright spot, and he wasn’t even her cat, which somehow made the whole thing seem sad and desperate.
“Oh, not much on. Just relaxing really,” she mustered.
Their drinks order came, a bucket-sized cup of tea for Penny, and Catherine’s oat milk latte served in a tall glass, which she wrapped her cold hands around.
“So, are you going to fill me in on all the latest with the deplorable Daltons?”
“Can I ask you something first?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t want you to think… to think I’m being weird.”
“But you are weird. That’s precisely why we’re friends. We’re two big weirdos together.” Penny chuckled and sipped her tea.
“No, I mean, I don’t want you to think I’m dredging things up that we’ve put behind us. You’re so happy with Lawrence and I love him to bits. So, I don’t want you to think for one moment that I’m not delighted for you. It’s just that…” The words stuck in her throat.
“Oh, out with it, babe!”
Catherine sighed. “When you and I were… you know…”
“Fucking?”
Catherine’s eyes widened, and she glanced around at the other diners, thankfully all enjoying their meals and paying them no heed whatsoever. She leaned in and spoke three times quieter than Penny had. “Yes, fucking.” The word felt awkward in her mouth. “Well, did you ever want more? You know, like a proper relationship with me, more than just…”
“Being fuck-buddies?”
Catherine pressed her lips together and nodded.
At that moment, the waiter arrived from behind her with their food. There was zero possibility he hadn’t just heard Penny, who was jiggling with laughter and hiding her mouth behind her mammoth mug of tea. Whilst the waiter set their plates down, Catherine’s question hung over them like an ominous piñata, because now that she’d put it out there and handed Penny the stick, she wasn’t sure she wanted it cracked open.
Penny picked up her cutlery and tucked into her poached eggs. She popped a loaded forkful into her mouth and released a satisfied groan. “Now, where were we? Oh yes, fuck-buddies.”
Catherine shot her a disapproving look and made a start on her own meal — creamy avocado toast with sautéed mushrooms.
Penny smirked. “Babe, you were emotionally unavailable,” she said matter-of-factly before crunching down on a piece of toast.
As Penny’s response registered, Catherine’s eyes grew round. “What on earth makes you say that?”
“Well, for one, you’d never let me stay at your place. You always insisted we went back to mine, even when yours was closer and it meant we’d have to get a taxi.”
“I—”
“Don’t deny it. You know it’s true. But it wasn’t just about your flat. You were never really prepared to let me in. I’m not the shrink here?—”
“Psychotherapist.”
“Sure.” Penny grinned and took a long sip of tea. “I’m not the therapist, but if I were to take a wild stab, I’d sayyou closed yourself off after Francesca hurt you like she did all those years ago.”
“That was literally decades ago.”
