“Please don’t let me stop you from eating your lunch,” he said.
“It’s fine, I’m not really hungry.” Catherine’s stomach had been growling for food before, but best not to be stuffing her face while he outpoured. “So, did you manage to track down Francesca last night?”
Jeremy tugged at his shirt collar; his throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Yes, a little after two. She’s staying at a hotel in the Cotswolds. She asked if I could send a taxi with some of her things… and her Diazepam.”
Catherine scoffed.
Jeremy met her stare. “Look, I know how it sounds, but she’s really not well, Catherine.” Jeremy hung his head again and released an anguished groan. “She’s miserable in a way that I… I just don’t know how to fix this time.”
Catherine couldn’t bring herself to feel sorry for Francesca, but Jeremy — even if things between them had soured somewhat over the years — was her oldest friend. He was practically family.
The words left her mouth before she could clamp her lips to stop them. “Do you want me to try speaking with her?”
Jeremy lifted his head, a glimmer of hope replacing the desperation in his eyes. “Would you?”
Christ. Could this day get any worse?
6
WATERMARK
1988
Adding Francesca to the mix of our friendship introduced a thrilling new dynamic. She flirted wildly with us both. It quickly became apparent that Jeremy was as smitten with the intoxicating brunette as I was, not that either of us would dare to admit it to the other. Her gravitational pull made us dance around her and compete for her attention. We were satellites in her orbit. Our previously playful banter turned into a sport with actual points to be scored. It all felt good-natured and innocent… until it didn’t.
I tried not to notice when Francesca touched Jeremy’s chest and he puffed up like a budgie as she laughed a little too hard at one of his lame jokes. Just as he looked away when she traced her fingers over my bare forearm, gazing into my face and hanging on every word I read aloud from a passage of text.Was that smouldering smile just for me?
We spent blustery afternoons holed up in the library, Jeremy and I actually studying, while Francesca loudlyleafed through books and magazines, attracting frequent reprimands from the librarian. Evenings were passed in the union, huddled in our little trio, sipping pints of Purple. During lecture-free periods, we’d loop arms and breathe in the crisp autumnal air on walks through the cobbled lanes of our university town. Francesca inevitably led us to the local record shop, where Jeremy and I perused posters of bands we didn’t know whilst she browsed the cassette tapes.
One afternoon, she slipped a cassette into my coat pocket. I wrapped my fingers around the plastic case and pulled it out, stifling a laugh and pretending to be appalled when I glanced at the cover — Enya’s latest release. Francesca leaned into me and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I raised my hand to it, still feeling the warmth of her lips long after they’d left my skin.
Occasionally, we’d hang out in Francesca’s room with the volume of her stereo cranked up. We’d pretend to enjoy the music while Francesca swayed her limbs, dancing with abandon as our eyes drank her in. One night, she pulled me to my feet and, like a puppeteer, commanded my reluctant limbs until I was slow-dancing with her to a song I didn’t know and could barely hear over my galloping heartbeat. The sensation of her arms around my waist was almost too much to bear.
I stole a glance at Jeremy. Red blotches crept up his neck as he tapped his loafer-clad foot and stared out the window. I closed my eyes and wished him away. I wished I were alone with Francesca. I’d capture her lips with my own and kiss her like she’d never been kissed. Not that I’dever been kissed, but I’d spent so much time thinking about it, I’d convinced myself I knew how. And this time, even my thundering heart and breathlessness wouldn’t be able to stop me.
Who needs breath anyway?
Francesca nuzzled into my neck, and my hopes soared.
A couple of days later, I was still riding high. Francesca had chosenmeto dance with andmycheek to graze a kiss against when we said goodnight, and it was all I’d been able to think about since. I sat through a lecture on Homeostatic Processes, but instead of taking notes I’d written Francesca’s name over and over on my notepad, like it was the only word that mattered.
The flat light of the December day had already leached away by the time I stepped out of the lecture theatre. I squeezed my books to my chest, hoping the pages might offer some warmth, and hurried across campus to our halls, guided back to Francesca by the warm orange glow spilling from her window. I pictured her wrapped in her hoodie, a deep frown etched between her dark eyebrows as she scrambled to finish her overdue assignment. We’d planned to hang out in her room later…without Jeremy.I’d make her a cup of tea and bring her biscuits to help her push through, because the sooner her assignment was done, the sooner she could return her focus to me.
I took the stairs two at a time, but my stomach plummeted back down all four floors as I saw Jeremy at our end of the hall. He pulled Francesca’s door to a close and glanced around, spotting me with the startled expression of someone caught with hisfingers in the pie.
Jealousy burned in my gut like a hot rock.
“Alright, Trusty,” he said with a wolfish smile as he slunk past.
They’d been alone together, without me. Perhaps it had been completely innocent, but I couldn’t shake the look on Jeremy’s face. It was the same expression he wore when he beat me at chess or tennis, or any of the games we used to play together during those languid summers on the Daltons’ estate. He’d won, and just when I thought I was about to score.
I quietly let myself into my room and flopped onto my bed. My stomach churned. This was all my fault. I’d collided them together when I should have kept my two worlds apart. Staring at the ceiling, I blinked away the hot tears welling. When Francesca’s music bled through the wall, I wrapped my pillow around my head and curled up under my mum’s blanket.
7
JUNIPER
PRESENT DAY
