“You’ve known?” I choked out.
“Yeah,” Evan shrugged, leaning back against the cushions. “The one bed in every hotel room never getting used kind of gave it away… Plus, the way he looks at you. Like you hung the moon and the stars, it’s obvious.”
The words hit me like a physical blow. Hung the moon.
I turned away, scrubbing my hands over my face, trying to wipe the image of Cal’s face out of my mind.
“Did he—” Evan started.
“I did,” I interrupted, my voice cracking. “We had to.”
“What do you mean ‘had to’?” Evan asked, confused.
I let out an exasperated, wet laugh. “Because! This would never end well, and I told him that. I’d never be accepted, we—”
“Okay, pause,” Evan said, holding up a hand, his brow furrowing. “Please tell me you didn’t say what I think you did.”
I looked to the floor. Evan knew me. Maybe even as well as Cal did. He knew my insecurities, my obsession with the family legacy, my fear of being the failure my father was.
“Silas, please tell me you did not fucking tell that man this was all about you.”
“I didn’t! I just said if we did this we’d never get pushes! We’d never be accepted! That I—”
Evan stopped me again, standing up abruptly.
“God damn it, Reed. You did,” Evan sighed, running a hand down his face, pacing the small room now. “Dude, I don’t even need to know more to know you undermined the fuck out of this on his end.”
“I told the truth!” I snapped, desperate for him to validate me. “I was trying to save him!”
“No, Si. You told him the truthyoumade in your head,” Evan said, his voice rising. “Look, whether you like to admit it or not, you’re a legacy kid, Silas. Even if the legacy was filled with fuck ups, you’re still a second-generation wrestler in this company. You’re also a prize to Murran. He didn’t get to wring your dad and uncle dry, but he got another shot with you. Which means it doesn’t matter how bad you fuck up, or what you do, Murran is going to cover for your ass.”
Evan stepped closer, poking me in the chest with a hard finger.
“But Cal? If Cal fucks up, he’s sent packing. Because there are thousands of other guys out there that can do what he does. He doesn’t have a last name here. All he’s got is some merch sales and a few cool moves in the UWF’s eyes. And he risked all of that for you.”
“They would have never protected us,” I mumbled, the fight draining out of me. “You don’t get it, Evan. They want a star. They don’t want… this.”
“How long has this been going on? Like six months? That’s when I noticed the vibe was there,” Evan said, ignoring my excuse.
I shook my head, feeling the weight of the lie I’d been living. “A year. In January. SinceMan Overboard.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, Silas,” Evan whispered, his eyes widening. “You mean to tell me this has been happening a year, an entire year, and you looked him in the eye and told him it didn’t matter? You’re a fucking asshole.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. All I could do was feel the tears and fall to the hotel floor.
My knees hit the carpet with a thud. This was too much. What the fuck had I done? Why was this the outcome? How the hell did I go from spilling my guts and telling Cal I loved him this morning to absolutely decimating everything by sunset?
Evan ran to me on the floor. He didn’t speak. He just hugged me, pulling my head onto his shoulder.
“I… I think I—” I started, then stopped myself. The word stuck in my throat like a piece of glass. If I said it out loud, it meant it was all real. It meant I destroyed it all. It meant Cal was right.
It’s righteous desires.
“I know,” Evan said, his voice low, rubbing my back. “I could see it. In both of you. You loved him.”
I sobbed, hard, vicious, body shaking sobs, my mind flickering to Cal. To his face. How he was alone in our room right now. Was he broken like this? Or was he already hating me?
Sunday night came with vengeance. It was a blur in time. I felt lifeless, like my body wasn’t mine. I hadn’t seen Cal at all in the eight hours I’d been at the arena, and I knew that was on purpose. I hid in catering. I hid in the trainer’s room. I avoided the locker room at all costs.
