That was the breaking point. He cried out my name, a broken, beautiful sound, as he spilled warm and messy over my hand and his own stomach. His internal muscles clamped down around me, dragging me over the edge with him.
I groaned, burying my face in his neck as I came, pouring myself into him, giving him everything I had.
When it was over, I didn’t pull away immediately. I stayed close, pressing a kiss to his damp forehead. Cal was limp, his breathing ragged, his eyes closed.
“You okay?” I whispered, brushing the wet hair back from his face. “You hurting?”
Cal shook his head slowly, opening his eyes. They were hazy but clear of the panic from earlier.
“No,” he rasped. “I’m okay. Are you?”
“Yeah,” I murmured. “I’m okay.”
I pulled back gently, disposing of the condom and tossing it in the trash. I went to the bathroom and grabbed a warm washcloth.
When I came back, Cal hadn’t moved. He was watching me.
I sat on the edge of the bed. I didn’t say anything. I just gently wiped his face first, cool and soothing against his flushed skin, clearing away the sweat and the dried tears.
Then I moved down, using a clean side of the cloth to wipe his stomach and his chest, cleaning him up with the same tenderness he always showed me.
“Thank you,” Cal whispered, catching my wrist.
I kissed his knuckles. “Come here.”
We shifted back to the pillows. Cal curled up on his side immediately, his head resting on my chest, his arm thrown over my waist like a seatbelt. He looked peaceful for the first time in twenty-four hours.
I lay there in the dark, staring at the ceiling, listening to the steady rhythm of his breathing.
I stroked his hair, the movement automatic.
I can do this,I thought, the realization settling in my gut like a stone.I can be his safety. I can be the place he comes to when the world gets too loud.
But then the doubt creptin. The denial.
But I’m just the shelter,I told myself, feeling the ache spread through my chest.I’m the port in the storm. People stay in the shelter until the storm passes. And then… they leave.
They go back out into the sun.
Cal was a star. He was a supernova. He belonged to the screaming crowds and the bright lights. He was planting seeds about living in the woods now because he was hurting, because he needed to hide from his past.
But once he was healed? Once he realized that his mother leaving him didn’t mean he was unlovable?
He would realize he could do better than a quiet, boring wrestler from the backwoods of North Carolina who was terrified of the world.
He would find someone who could stand in the light with him, not someone who dragged him into the shadows to hide.
I kissed the top of his head, squeezing my eyes shut against the burn of my own tears.
“I’ll keep you safe,” I whispered into the darkness, making a promise I knew would break my own heart. “For as long as you let me.”
14
SEPTEMBER - EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND
Now playing: They Don’t Know About Us - One Direction
WetoucheddowninEdinburgh twenty-four hours ago for the start of the UWF European Tour. Usually, the schedule was a nightmare, planes, gyms, arenas, sleep, repeat. But because we had arrived early for media obligations, and because Evan was currently trapped in a convention center doing four hours of interviews for his title defense, Cal and I were loose.
