“They’re all as bent as I am,” Jonathan went on, gripping one of his hands over Charlie’s as it rested on his thighs. “Why did I not see it from the start? Any one of Frome’s guests, and Frome himself, would just as soon throw me over a barrel and fuck me until I bleed as they would you or Fabian, or any of the footmen.”
Charlie hadn’t spent much time with the gentlemen guests, but he didn’t doubt what Jonathan said.
“You were right from the start.” Jonathan’s gaze focused on Charlie once more. “This is an evil place. We never should have come here. We need to leave as soon as we can.”
Charlie agreed, but before he could say as much, Jonathan blew out a long breath and rubbed a hand over his face.
“We cannot leave,” he said, turning his face to the side. “We have too much equipment to carry away with us. We need a carriage to take it with us.”
“We cannot leave it behind,” Charlie said with sudden realization. “The plates. Brutus and Titus need them.”
“They do,” Jonathan said, eyes wide. “They sent us here to document a crime,” he went on, voice rough. “Every one of the men here right now should be brought before the law and punished for their crimes.” He jolted straighter. “We have documentation of an entire syndicate of slave traders.”
More things began to arrange themselves in Charlie’s mind. He still believed The Zagreus Den was a good place. He believed it more now than ever. But he might never forgive Brutus and Titus for sending him and Jonathan into the viper’s den without telling them their true purpose for being there.
Then again, if they had known, if Jonathan had known, he might not have had the courage to do what needed to be done.
“Whatever we do,” Jonathan said, squaring his shoulders and looking straight at Charlie, “we need to make certain the photographs we took find their way safely into the right hands. I’m not certain I understand entirely what we’ve been thrown into, but I know that much.”
Charlie nodded, digging his fingertips into Jonathan’s thighs. He could see the transformation growing and spreading inside his master, his friend.
“My father is a hypocrite,” Jonathan went on. “I always knew it, but I had no idea how true it is. All this time, he reviled me and separated me from my own family, from my life and my world, when he is guilty of the same sins I am.”
Charlie’s eyes went wide with surprise.
Jonathan noticed.
“I cannot be completely certain of it,” Jonathan said, shoulders drooping. He rubbed his face, then went on with, “Hemay simply be involved with whomever is at the heart of this evil for the sake of money and power. He might think himself above reproach for only transacting business and not indulging in the poor young men being trafficked themselves.”
Charlie had no idea whether that could be true or not. In his experience, though, where a man was guilty of one sin, he was likely to be guilty of a dozen others.
Finally, Jonathan pulled himself out of his thoughts once more and took Charlie’s hands.
“Can you forgive me for being a fool and a coward?” he asked. “Can you forgive me for being tempted into wanting my father’s forgiveness and acceptance?”
Charlie opened his mouth to answer, but before he could say anything, Jonathan continued with, “I don’t want anything from him now. The only man whose forgiveness and kind regard I crave now is yours.”
Jonathan cupped the side of Charlie’s face with one trembling hand.
“You are the most important person in my life, Charlie,” he said. “You are my heart and my conscience. You are my love.”
The words and gesture were simple, but they filled Charlie’s heart. He wanted to be fully at peace with Jonathan. He wanted to feel the things he’d felt for Jonathan at the start again now. But he feared too many things had happened. He’d seen past the bright smiles and the cheeky shine straight into the heart of the man he’d once seen as his savior.
Jonathan was an ordinary man with an extraordinary amount of pain living inside him. He wasn’t a god to be worshiped or a master whom he could trust with his life. He was human, and as likely as not, he would make mistakes again and again.
Charlie didn’t need Jonathan to survive. That truth pervaded everything within him, changing everything he felt for the defeated man in front of him.
But his heart still beat for Jonathan, cracks and flaws and all.
“You don’t have to answer me now,” Jonathan said, turning his face away from Charlie like he knew what Charlie would answer and that he wouldn’t like it. “We can wait until we’re free of this mess.” He looked at Charlie again. “But I promise you one thing. I will get you away from here. I won’t let them take you, or me. We’ll make our way back to London, we’ll hand over the photographs to Brutus and Titus, and we’ll figure out what we must do from there.”
The courage it took for Jonathan to say those things was not lost on Charlie. Not at all. It filled him with hope, and in the absence of certainty, hope was not a small thing to have.
He knelt up until his face was closer to Jonathan’s level, then caressed the side of Jonathan’s face the way Jonathan had caressed him. Then he leaned in and touched his lips to Jonathan’s in a kiss that could almost be called chaste.
Almost.
“What do we do now?” he asked in a whisper, staring into Jonathan’s eyes with as much confidence as he could.
