“Now that the beast has been given its offering,” Max starts, pointedly ignoring the middle finger I flash in her direction. “Do you all want to eat here, or would you like to go to this brunch place I found online?”
“Oh, it’s been a minute since I’ve had a good brunch.” Mom’s face lights up at the idea.
“Sounds like the brunch spot it is, then,” I say, because there’s nothing that I wouldn’t give that woman. Mom smiles at me, and my chest warms with happiness.
The restaurant is only a fifteen-minute drive away. Thankfully, nobody brings up the elephant in the room while we’re in the car. My reprieve doesn’t last long, though. The waiter has barely finished taking our drink orders when Max asks, “What the hell happened yesterday?”
My hand finds its way to my mouth, but Teddy grabs it before I can start biting my nails. I smile when he kisses each of my fingertips. “Um, well”—my knee begins to bounce under the table—“did Teddy tell y’all anything last night?”
“He told us that Silas attacked you, and the trial date was moved,” Mom says before Max can chime in. “Honey, you know you don’t have to tell us anything, right? We’re worried about you because we love you, but that doesn’t mean we have any expectations. We’re here if you wanna talk about it. If not, we’ll respect your boundaries.” At her words, Max appears chastened.
“She’s right,” Max says. “I’m sorry for coming on so strong. It’s just…seeing you like that yesterday—I can’t fully describe it. I haven’t seen that look on your face since we made it off the streets, and it terrified me. I felt helpless, and you know what that does to me.”
Her words bring a small smile to my face. “Trust me, Max, I know good and well what happens when you feel helpless, butTeddy really did give y’all the gist of it. I’m not really wanting to get into the specifics of what he did. But I will say, for the first time, I actually defended myself against him, and that felt amazing. I know I’ll have to face the retraumatization when I get home, but right now, I just want to focus on making it through this trial.”
After that, the conversation turns to lighter topics. Max teases Lane mercilessly, and he just blushes the entire time. Mom looks around the table, pride beaming on her face. Teddy is his usual quiet self. More often than not, his eyes are on me, but he gets dragged into Max and Lane’s antics every now and then. His entire body lights up when he laughs, and it’s my favorite sight in the world.
As for me, I spend most of my time stuffing my face and bouncing from conversation to conversation. I’m not quite sure when I leaned into Teddy, but when the waiter stops by with the check and sighs dreamily in our direction, I realize I’m practically sitting in his lap. Mildly embarrassed, I grin, kiss his cheek, and unglue myself from him.
Mom and Max head for the ladies’ room while Teddy heads up front to pay, and Lane and I are left alone to make our way to the car. His quiet voice draws my attention. “I know I’m still new to this little family, and you and I both know I’m more likely to put my foot in my mouth than help, but I want you to know I’m here. Any time. Any place. Y’all are the main reason I’ve managed to stay sober this time around. I’d like to pay that back some day.”
Stopping, I turn to face him fully. “Is that what you think this is? You think we’ve invited you into our family as what? A favor?” When all he does is shrug in response, I press on. “Lane, I know we got off to a rough start, but you’ve shown me repeatedly the type of friend you are. I mean, sure, you’re kind ofan ass, but have you met Max? She’s basically the wicked bitch of the west, and we still love her.”
Lane’s lips quirk, wanting to smile, but he smothers it. “Being friends with you is no favor. Even if you had absolutely nothing to offer, we’d still love having you around—but don’t for a single second think that you don’t bring anything to this family. You didn’t hesitate to come on this trip to be by my side, and that means a hell of a lot more than I’ll ever be able to express.” The idea that pops into my head then feels crazy but also right. Deciding not to overthink it, I just go for it. “Can…can I hug you?”
Lane’s body goes stock-still. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I think I am. Just don’t squeeze too tight, okay?”
“Okay,” he says, exhaling an audible breath.
Cautiously, I step into his personal space. My heart rate speeds up slightly, but not nearly as much as I expected. Slowly, I lean in until my chest meets his. My arms slip around him, and his arms come up to mirror mine, his hold loose. We stand there hugging for about a minute, and it feels…nice. Not as easy as with the others, but Lane is still new to me. It’ll get easier. Gently, I extract myself from the embrace.
“Thank you,” I say. “You’re the first new person I’ve hugged.”
Lane finally lets a genuine smile creep out. It’s the first one I’ve seen on him, and holy fuck, his entire face transforms. “Happy to pop your hugging cherry,” he says, waggling his eyebrows.
“Way to ruin the moment,” I deadpan.
“Really though, thank you for trusting me with that. It’s been a long time since anyone trusted me with anything.” He’s more serious than I’ve ever seen him now. The contrast is stark.
“Thank you for being someone that I can trust.”
Max struts up to us. “What are you two losers talking about?”
“How much of a bitch you are,” I retort, then take off running to the car.
Cooper
Sitting in the courtroom gallery feels so surreal. This time last year, I never would have believed I would be here, facing my past head-on and not crumpling. Most of the trial is a bit tedious, but hearing Silas’s character witnesses speak highly of him almost sets my blood on fire. Teddy’s firm grip on my knee is the only thing that keeps me from standing and yelling at them. How fucking dare they sit up there and describe that abusive asshole as “kind, respectful, and always willing to help.” It’s the moron who describes Silas as being “good around kids” that finally snaps my tenuous control. I surge to my feet and make my way to the door, just barely managing not to run.
I’m pacing in the hallway when Teddy joins me. “Fuck,” I all but yell, tugging on my hair. “People actually allow him around kids, Teddy! How many other kids’ lives have been ruined by him? I should have spoken up sooner. If he hurt anyone after I left, that’s my fault. Mine!” My knees hit the ground. “I shouldhave been stronger. Braver. Better. But I was weak, and someone else may have had to pay the price.”
“Stop,” Teddy says firmly. Squatting down in front of me, he pulls at my wrists, forcing me to release my hair. “You know none of this is your fault. Not what happened to you, and not what may have happened to anyone else. Don’t let your brain lie to you.”
He’s right. I know he’s right, but my brain is a persistent bastard. I work through some of my calming exercises, and Teddy remains by my side the entire time. Calm. Quiet. Present. It takes about twenty minutes, but eventually I calm down enough that the urge to rip my own skin off fades back into one of the dark corners of my mind.
“I think I can go back in now.”
