Everett
I lean against the cold tile, letting my tears mix with water as it rains down on me. Seeing LB standing there, blade to his wrist, terrified me. I was right back in that ER, begging him not to leave me. I can’t imagine how much strength it must have taken to stand there for three hours, locked in a battle with himself. He never ceases to amaze me. I just hate that Silas still has that much control over him. Hopefully, once everything with the court case is settled, there will be fewer triggering events. He deserves to live a life not weighed down by memories of the atrocities committed against him.
Despite the pride I feel for him, my mind can’t help but focus on the what-ifs. What if I hadn’t gotten off on time? What if there had been traffic? What if he had cut? Would it have been shallow or life-altering? I feel a sob trying to claw its way out of my throat, but I manage to swallow it back down. I crouch down, hugging my knees to my chest.
I’m not sure how much time passes, but LB’s soft voice pulls me out of my spiral. “Teddy, please look at me.” I raise my head and meet his worried gaze. “You were in here so long the food arrived. What’s going on? Why are you in here crying?”
Scrubbing at my face, I stand, and LB follows along with me. “Nothing is wrong, baby. Just give me a minute, and I’ll be right out.” I kiss his forehead and start to turn back towards the spray, but a hand on my arm stops me.
“Don’t do that. Don’t bottle it up. I’m proof of how unhealthy that is. Talk to me, please.”
With a sigh, I concede. “Let me get washed up and throw some clothes on. Then we can talk about it over dinner.”
“Okay, just don’t take too long. We both know I can’t be trusted to be alone with food.” Once I nod, he hugs me tightly and exits the shower. He grabs a towel on his way out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
I enter the living room to find LB doing his best impression of a burritoed chipmunk.
“Mmph…really good,” he says around a mouthful of lo mein. Seeing him in his natural habitat, surrounded by food and buried under at least three blankets, relieves some of the pressure that had been weighing on my chest. I shake my head and take a seat next to him.
The lo mein smells heavenly, and I find myself leaning in, trying to catch more of the scent. LB suddenly stops chewing as he becomes aware of my position. He leans back slightly and puts a defensive arm around the lo mein container. The severity of his squinty-eyed glare is undermined by his adorably full cheeks.
“Relax, LB. The lo mein is all yours,” I say, unable to resist booping the tip of his nose. He grunts and goes back to shoveling food into his overly full mouth. I reach for the beef and broccoli instead, kissing my chance at carbs goodbye. Honestly,I only have myself to blame for failing to order more than one container.
Once the remnants of our meal are all cleaned up, we sit back down on the couch. LB places his feet in my lap, the innocent touch causing warmth to spread through my chest. He bites his lip, assessing me, before blurting out, “So are you gonna make me drag it out of you?”
Sighing, I let my head fall against the back of the couch. “It’s not that big of a deal. Honest. I just had a little freak-out about finding you like that. It brought back memories of that night in the ER. I’m good now, I swear.”
LB pulls his feet back as he sits up. His hands grip mine with a strength that’s inconsistent with their size. “Please don’t downplay your feelings. Spending thirty minutes silently crying in the shower is more than just a ‘little freak-out.’ And flashbacks are a sign of something more serious. I’m so sorry that I did this to you.”
“Nope,” I say. “If I don’t get to downplay my feelings, then you don’t get to take the blame for them.”
LB is silent for a minute before he finally nods. “You’re right. I’m not responsible for anyone’s emotions but my own. I hate that my actions have affected you, but the only thing we can do is move forward. I think it might be a good idea for you to talk to someone as well.”
“You mean someone like Dr. Krazinski?”
“Well, I think it might be a conflict of interest for him to see us both, but I bet he could suggest someone good for you.”
“Yeah… I think that might be a good idea. Would you mind reaching out to him about it in the morning?”
“Of course not, babe. I’m proof of how important mental health care is. We’ll get it all set up. If you need me to go with you the first few times, I don’t mind, but no pressure. It’s a very personal matter. I just want you to be comfortable, however thatlooks for you.” I interrupt his ramble with a kiss that he returns with a sigh.
Pulling back, I say, “You’re welcome to join me for that first appointment. After that, we can play it by ear. Now, how about that movie?” LB shifts, and we lie down with his back to my front. I pull one of his blankets over us and bury my face in his neck. I spend the rest of the evening exactly where I want to be, lost in the smell of the man that I love, with the feel of his laughter vibrating against my chest.
Cooper
Looking at the group of people standing around the rented SUV, my heart is full. The fact that all of them showed up for me is mind-boggling. They all have jobs and lives, but they dropped everything for a week-long trip so I didn’t have to face my demon alone. Nine years ago, I was completely alone. Now I have Max, Lane, Mom, and, of course, Teddy. My own little family. I’d almost forgotten what a real family felt like.
Max comes over and wraps her arms around me, leaning down so her head rests on top of mine. “How are you feeling?”
“Right now…I’m good.” She eyes me skeptically. “Really. I am. As we get closer to Nebraska, that’ll definitely change, but here, surrounded by you guys, all I feel is love.”
After placing the last suitcase in the trunk, Teddy comes over to where we’re standing. I hold out my hand, and he immediately latches onto it, placing a feather-light kiss to my knuckles. “Ready for this?” he asks.
The others probably think he’s asking about the long drive, but I know better. It’s in the barely noticeable hitch in his voice. The way his hand tightens briefly around mine. The tiny step closer to me. The twitch in his free hand. He’s worried. If I’d let him, he’d snatch me right up and run me all the way back to our bedroom, where he’d bury me in markers and give me free rein of his body. He knows that this is gonna hurt me, and he can’t stand it. He’d never try to get me to change my mind, though.
I move out of Max’s arms and step straight into Teddy’s. Max wanders off in Lane’s direction, probably sensing that we need a moment. Teddy leans down, instantly finding his favorite spot and inhaling deeply. “It’s gonna be alright, big guy. I swear… I mean, it’ll suck while it’s happening, but it’s gonna set me free. I need it to be over. One way or another, we’ll get through this, and then we can come home and focus on our future instead of my past.”
We stand there, locked in each other’s embrace for several minutes, just existing in a moment where the outside world doesn’t matter. LB and Teddy. All of the good and none of the bad. Real life doesn’t work that way, though, and our moment comes to an end when Mom gently places her hand on my back. Pulling away from Teddy’s hold, I turn to look at her.
