LB goes back to drawing, and a comfortable silence surrounds us. Another thirty minutes goes by before he announces, “Done.” Still straddling my hips, he trails his fingers along my side, tracing the lines he’s left behind. The stirring in my groin returns, and I shift slightly, trying to remain inconspicuous.
“I think…” he starts.
“Hmmm?”
“I think I want to try something.”
“Whatever you want,” I say automatically.
Fire floods my veins when something warm and wet glides along my spine. My breath whooshes out of me, and I only manage to croak out a single word. “LB?”
“Dr. Krazinski and I have talked about this…extensively. I think it’s a step I’m ready to take. With you. I mean…if it’s something that you want too.”
His voice trembles, but there’s also steel behind each word. Slowly, I reach back and tap his thigh. Hearing the unspoken request, he moves off of me. I sit up and face him. My heart singswhen, without any hesitation, he reaches out and latches onto the hand I offer him.
“I can assure you that I most definitely want this. I mean, I’ve been in love with you before I even knew what love was.” His eyes nearly bug out of his face, and I realize what I just admitted. I feel a blush spread from the top of my head all the way down my chest.
“You…love me?” Cooper asks in a vulnerable voice.
I lift my free hand to his face and wait for him to close the distance. Cradling his cheek, I stare deeply into his eyes, begging him to see the truth in mine. “How could I not? You’re my best friend. My other half. I felt incomplete every second we were apart. With you back, I can finally breathe again. There’s never been anyone else for me, LB.”
Tears are running down his face by the time I finish speaking. He moves towards me, clearly going for a kiss, but I lean back before he can distract me. The pout that overtakes his face almost does me in, but the conversation we need to have is too important. “Like I said. I want this. With you. But I think there are a few things we need to discuss first.”
LB flops onto his back with a drawn-out “ughhhhhh.” I smile at his dramatics before I lay down beside him. “I know you’re right, but I want it on the record: that conversation is so not sexy.” Only he could make whining attractive.
“This conversation is about logistics, boundaries, and consent. Those are all pretty sexy things. Well…maybe not the logistics part, but you get the point.”
I find myself on the receiving end of a snort and an eye roll. “Oh no. Stop,” he says, fanning himself. “This is too hot to handle.”
“Smart aleck. Now, be serious. How far are you wanting this to go?”
Suddenly sober, LB gnaws at his thumbnail. I gently pull his hand from his mouth and rub circles on the back of it.
“I want you. All of you. My heart is fully on board. It’s my head that’s still nervous.”
“I’m yours, LB. Now and forever. If you want to take this all the way, lead, and I will follow. If you change your mind at any point, then we stop.” Scratching my forehead, I press on. “Um, logistically speaking, what were you thinking?”
I’m not the one to blush this time. “Oh. Well. See… I know you’re bigger than me, and that in normal circumstances you’d probably be th-the top, but I just don’t think I can bottom, right now. Maybe not ever…” He trails off, ducking his head.
“Hey,” I say, tilting his chin up so he’s looking at me again. “No hiding. Not from me. Now, about the first part of your statement—stereotypes have no place in our relationship. We are real people, not some made-for-TV couple. I can’t say whether or not I have a preference, top or bottom, because ahhh…” I take a deep breath and rush my next words out. “…I’veneverdoneeither.”
“Huh? I missed that.”
I close my eyes and say it slower this time. “I’ve never slept with anyone before.”
LB rockets into a sitting position, and I follow at a much more sluggish pace. “You’re a virgin? How is that even possible?! I mean, just look at you. You are a walking temptation. Not to mention once they get to know you.” He suddenly notices my fidgeting. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He reaches out and grasps my hands. “There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. I mean, I don’t have any consensual experience myself so you’re not alone. I’m truly just surprised. It was shocking enough to find you single. I never imagined that you would have gone all this time withoutsomeone. You’re amazing, and anyone would be lucky to have you as a partner.”
His words heal a piece of me that was broken many years ago. I inhale, then lay myself bare. “After you left, I spent my high school years alone. I was the stereotypical depressed loner kid. My heart was broken, and I didn’t fully realize why. I did try dating in college, but not many guys that age were interested once they found out I was Ace. After you go through a handful of first dates without ever getting a second one, it gets hard to keep putting yourself out there. I decided to keep my head down and focus on my classes. By the time I graduated and started working at the hospital, I was comfortable being alone. Plus, if I’m being honest, “I compared every guy to you, and they all fell short.” I finish with a shrug.
“So what does being Ace look like for you? I’m assuming you aren’t repulsed since you seem interested,” LB says before his eyes widen. “Oh god! I didn’t pressure you, did I? You can always say no!”
I can’t contain the small chuckle that slips out. “No, LB. I’m not repulsed. More often than not, I’m indifferent. I can feel attraction, though. I’ve just never been tempted to do anything about it…until now.”
“So just to be clear, you are attracted to me, right?” he asks, voice small.
“Very much so.” I say, letting some of my lust leak into my voice, hoping to quell any doubts he may have.
“I…” he stutters with a tiny smile aimed my way. “I want to try if you do as well. This will be both of our first times, so we take it slow. If I do anything wrong, let me know, and I’ll do the same for you. Okay?”
