“That bear is the one piece of you I managed to hold on to. Silas destroyed all of my pictures of us. The shirts I stole from you, he burned. He did his best to erase you completely, but he didn’t get that bear. When I realized what he was doing, I hid him under a loose floorboard in the closet. I had to break in, in the middle of the night, to get him back after Silas kicked me out. He survived the streets with me too. Muggings. Fights. Finding Max and nursing her back to health. You name it, that bear and I have been through it. I’ll never get rid of TJ.”
“TJ?” His blush makes me burst into laughter. “Teddy Jr.! I love it.”
“I thought this was date night, not laugh-at-Cooper night,” he grumbles, which just makes me laugh harder.
“Come on, grumpy cat. Let’s go to the living room so you can hopefully approve my plan for the night.”
We plop down on the couch and turn to face each other. The happiness radiating off of LB leaves me feeling like I’m floating. His ability to smile after everything he’s been through speaksvolumes about his resilience. That I’m contributing to his smile tonight feels like one of the most important things I’ve ever done.
“Tonight is the monthly Night Market in downtown Kingsley. It’s basically a farmer’s market slash craft fair combo,” I explain. “I thought maybe we could go explore that. There’ll be food and a ton of local artists.”
“Food and art? It’s almost like you know me or something,” he teases. “That sounds perfect. Are we driving?”
I shake my head. “You aren’t that far from downtown, and parking will be an absolute nightmare. Plus, it’s nice out tonight.”
LB stands and crosses the room, coming to a stop beside the door. “Better go for comfort then,” he says, slipping his feet into a pair of Vans, their olive green color perfectly matching the vines on his shirt. “You’re staring again.” A hint of a blush flashes across his cheeks.
“How can I not? You look stunning.”
His blush darkens further at my words. “Okay, let’s go, Casanova.”
“No seduction here. Just stating the obvious,” I say, after I walk over to stand beside him. “You’ve always been beautiful to me, LB. I don’t think I ever told you, but the first time I saw you, I was convinced I needed some Pepto because my stomach was havin’ fits. You’ve always had an effect on me, and that effect has only grown right along with us.” He can’t meet my eyes, but that’s okay. I’ll let him hide for now. Hopefully, one day, he’ll see himself the way I do. I open the front door and gesture for him to go ahead of me. “After you.”
Everett
The walk to the Night Market is filled with quiet small talk. LB tells me about the tattoos he has on his books this week, and I tell him about the ER and all the crazy that goes on there. We talk about our current favorite songs, books, and movies. Despite having known LB since I was a child, the man beside me now is a relative stranger. I know him in all the ways that truly matter, but I’m enjoying getting to learn all the small things about who he’s become.
When the sounds and smells of the market reach us, I notice LB perks up a little, but when we round the corner and it fully comes into view, his face lights up like a kid on Christmas morning.
“Teddy!” he gushes. “Oh look! It’s so colorful!” I purposely left out that the Night Market is put on by the university’s LBGTQ+ Alliance. They use fairy lights in different colors to create a rainbow that stretches over the entire market.“Mmmmm, and what is that smell?! I need two of whatever it is!” I laugh at his enthusiasm.
“C’mon, LB, why don’t we make a lap and see what all they have to offer so you can decide what you wanna get?” I should have known it wouldn’t be that simple. Cooper may be skinnier than my left thigh, but he’s always been able to outeat everyone.
We’re loaded down with caramel popcorn, a funnel cake, three drinks, a giant corn dog, fried pickles, gator on a stick, and the atrocity that is chocolate-covered bacon, before we even make it halfway through the market. I guide LB over to a picnic table so he can sit comfortably without the risk of dropping any of his horde. He bites into the bacon and does the cutest little happy dance. The moan that comes out of his mouth is positively sinful.
I’m shocked by my thoughts tonight. I accepted my asexuality years ago, but something about LB brings out those feelings that are normally absent. I want him, but telling him is out of the question. I refuse to make him feel pressured. He may never want a sexual relationship, after everything he’s been through, and that’s perfectly okay. If we never take that step, I don’t think either of us will feel like there’s anything missing. However, it’s nice to know that if he ever does want more, physically, that I will be able to reciprocate.
While I may have accepted my sexuality, that doesn’t stop me from occasionally letting insecurities and the opinions of others make me feel like I’m broken. I’m not. I know I’m not, but sex—and the use of sex—is so prevalent in our society that sometimes it’s hard to not feel like the odd man out.
“What has you thinkin’ so hard over there?” LB asks, pulling me out of my own head.
“What do you mean?” I ask in a pathetic attempt at deflection.
“You’ve got your thinking wrinkle going on,” he says, lightly touching the skin in between my eyebrows. “You only get that when you’re lost in your head.”
I huff out a small laugh. “You got me there. I was just thinking about us, and a little about myself. I’m just glad we’re finally getting a chance to give this thing between us a real try.”
“Hmmm.” He hums noncommittally around the straw of his drink. “I can tell there’s more to it than that, but I won’t force it out of you. You’ll tell me when you’re ready.” The sweet smile he gives me is ruined when he shovels a handful of popcorn into his mouth. A laugh flies out of me.
“How can you be so adorable and so disgusting at the same time?” I ask.
“—sss a talent,” he slurs out around the food in his mouth.
Once LB finishes his mountain of food, we start a slow lap around the market. He stops to chat at almost every booth, and watching him in his element is remarkable. His face lights up, and he gesticulates wildly with his hands, bouncing gently on his toes. Art has always made him happy, but this… This is a lightening of his spirit. Almost like art sets his soul free of everything that normally weighs it down, and I feel lucky to be witnessing it.
He finishes talking to an older woman about wind chimes, of all things, before turning back to me, eyes glittering with excitement.
“Teddy! This place is so perfect. Did you see Mary’s beautiful display of necklaces? Oh! And Ethan’s portraits are god-tier. He’s a magician with lighting. Grace, here, makes these wind chimes out of completely recycled material. Ugh! I just want to live in this market. I never expected there to be anything like this in Kingston. Thank you for bringing me.” His arms wrap around my waist, and then he’s surging forward. His lips are on mine,and I nearly forget how to breathe. Our first kiss.Myfirst kiss. It’s sloppy and a little too wet but still absolutely perfect.
