“There’s nothing to do. They haven’t changed their minds about Isadora. And I’m not going to move my whole life to just go and be their fucking mistress. Their kept, unbonded omega that they take out like a toy only for my heats. No.”
“Good,” Hale says, moving up to Haven’s calf with his big hands. “You deserve better than that.”
I do. But I’m not going to get it. Not with them or anyone else.
Haven huffs and doesn’t meet my eyes as she says, “maybe you should go with them.” Hale stops massaging his omega and flicks his gaze up to me, likely checking to see how I’m handling my very best fucking friend in the world suggesting I go and be a royal pack’s fuck toy.
Not well,in case you were wondering.
Hale’s lips thin. “Little mouse.”
“I’m not saying she has to stay with them!” She tilts her head to look at me, tears shimmering along her lower lashes. “I just mean, it might not be as bad as you think it will be. You won’t know until you try. And maybe… Maybe they just need time to come to their senses, you know? And in the meantime, you’ll get stronger, better, healthier. I think it might make sense to at least try.”
I try not to flinch at her words, but I do. I’d thought she would support my decision to stay away from them, to shore up my defenses, and live with the consequences of not having them.
“Right,” I say slowly, pushing to my feet.
“Ren.” She must see the betrayal I’m feeling because she scrambles up to a sitting position, reaching for me. But I step back.
“So I should just be happy with whatever they’re willing to give me? Beg for scraps of their time? Stay locked away from the world so no one knows I even fucking exist?”
The tears that had been hovering on her lashes spill over as she shakes her head. “No, of course not, but… You’d live, Ren! You’d fucking live if you went with them, and I can’t just sit by and watch you wither away.”
“Right, because withering away on the other side of the world where you can’t see it would be better. For you, I guess.”
Haven’s scent turns acrid and a little sob breaks out of her.
Hale lets out a warning growl, one that tells me I’ve gone too far in his eyes.
In mine too.
I’m being mean, taking my frustration out on Haven, when I know she only wants what's best for me. She’s still of the mindset that things might work out, that fate will win. That I’ll get my fairytale ending.
But I won’t.
I don’t have the luxury of believing in fairytales. Not anymore.
Ironic. Forsythe said the very same thing to me back on the show.
“I’m sorry,” I say, stepping away from Haven even further. “That was out of line. I’m not feeling my best. But that’s not an excuse to take it out on you.” I shuffle toward the exit, wanting nothing more than to just escape and be alone and cry my freaking eyes out. “I’m all sweaty. I need to shower.”
“Ren,” Haven calls to my back, but I don’t stop. As soon as I enter the guest room I’ve been sleeping in, I’m stripping out of my clothes and stumbling into the bathroom. My throat is tight and my eyes sting with unshed tears.Almost, Ren. You can almost let go.
I flick on the shower, turning it as hot as I can stand and then stumble under the scalding spray, sinking to the floor to curl up tight, protecting myself because apparently no one else is going to do it.
I cry as quietly as I can, shoulders shaking, but every so often a sob rips out of me, and I’m sure someone in the house has heard it. How could they not?
I cry and cry and cry, until I feel wrung out, empty of tears, and lighter than I have in weeks.
Maybe that’s all I’ve needed.
Well notallI’ve needed, obviously, but I’ve been so focused on being strong, moving forward, proving to myself and Haven and Ginny that I’m not broken. When really I am broken. Shattered.
And what a fucked up world it is that only the people who shattered me, are the ones who can put me back together.
Later, when the house is quiet and I sneak down to the kitchen to grab something to eat, Hale corners me, lips thinning at the sight of my puffy, red-rimmed eyes. “You know she didn’t mean you should actually accept being their mistress, right?”
I give a jerky nod, but I don’t actually know that. I think Haven would rather see me do that and have a chance of a longer healthier life, if not a completely happy one. But then, I guess I wouldn’t really be happy staying here either.
