“I’m sorry,” Jase says, watching me with a degree of caution that’s completely warranted. “Yesterday must have been hard for you.”
I raise a brow as if to say, ‘you think?’
He cocks his head. That’s the trouble with Jase. He knows me well. “How’s Ash?”
“Recovering.” When I left this morning, she was smiling in her sleep. Peaceful, and so fucking beautiful, but even though she was right there, it felt like she was miles out of my reach. “She and the baby are both okay, although she got a fright.”
“And you guys are all right?”
I swallow, and glance at Devon, wondering just how much he’s told Jase. “I proposed. She didn’t answer. So I don’t really know what we are.”
Devon face-palmed. “Dude, why would you propose?”
My eyes narrow. “You saw how she started pulling away from me. I couldn’t lose her again.”
“But Seth,” Jase says, drawing my attention back to him. “She was freaked out. From what Dev has told me, she felt out of control. We both know you meant well, but trying to get a lifelong commitment from someone who’s in an emotional tailspin is a crappy idea. You probably made it worse.”
I scowl, but he has a point. Something he said lingers in my mind.Out of control. Ashlin confessed to feeling powerless and overwhelmed. I’d been thinking of myself when I tried to lock her down, but that’s not what she needed. I should have handed her the reins and stepped back. Perhaps that would have given her confidence, rather than me barging in and stomping all over her emotions with my clumsy feet.
“Maybe I went about it wrong,” I admit.
“You acted like a dumbass in love,” Jase confirms, his expression turning wry. “Trust me, I know what that looks like. The question is: how are you going to fix it?”
“I don’t know.” But I’m sure as fuck not going to give up. “Thanks, man. I needed a pep talk.”
Jase nods, and Devon presses his lips together so firmly that I’m sure he’s biting back some kind of smartass remark. For the first time all day, my lips twitch into a half-smile.
“You’ve got our backs, we’ve got yours.” Jase holds out a fist, and I bump it. “You’ve got this.”
Ashlin
When I roll over and encounter an empty spot where Seth slept, memories of loneliness and grief flood my mind.
He’s gone.
After assuring me he’d be here for me, he left. And for what? Work.
Whoa, hold on, girl.
Sensing that I’m traveling a dangerous path, I call a halt to those slippery negative thoughts.
“I’m a strong woman who can take care of herself.” I repeat the affirmation I’ve said hundreds of times before. “I choose to have people in my life, but I don’t depend on them.”
Calmness descends. The first time my therapist had me say affirmations, I felt ridiculous and thought they were a load of hocus pocus, but I found that the more I said them, the truer they felt, until suddenly, I couldn’t distinguish them from truth anymore and they became my truth.
“He had to work,” I tell myself. “That doesn’t mean it’s the start of a pattern. Yesterday was a difficult day for both of us.”
So what am I going to do to deal with it?
Call my support team.
Thirty minutes later, I’ve showered, dressed, and have pancake batter in the skillet when I hear a knock on the door followed by the sound of a key in the lock. A moment later, Paige bounds into the room. Her gaze settles on me, then she rushes over and hauls me into a hug. The breath gusts from my lungs.
“Oh, baby girl.” She squeezes me tighter, and I meet Jessica’s eyes over her shoulder, mouthing “help me.” She smirks, and shrugs. “Are you okay?” Paige doesn’t wait for me to answer. “Of course you’re not. No one would be. But the baby is fine, and you’re healthy, and I don’t need to kick the universe’s ass on your behalf.” She draws back, searching my face, and whatever she sees there must reassure her because she kisses my cheek and lets me go. “I can’t believe you didn’t call me.”
“Paige.” Jessica’s hand lands on her shoulder. “You know exactly why she didn’t call us. She was being the thoughtful, loving friend she is and trying to protect us from sharing her pain.” Gently, she moves Paige to the side and scoops me into a hug so tender I’m afraid I’ll cry. “Don’t do it again,” she whispers in my ear. “We can handle it.” She stands back and swipes at invisible moisture under her eyes. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.” My eyes prickle. “Damn you.” I laugh, despite myself. “You’re setting me off again.”
