“Don’t be.” His hand smooths up and down my side. “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.”
“Okay.” I don’t say anything further, even though my subconscious is cataloging the differences between now and the weeks after I miscarried, when he buried himself at the gym because he didn’t know what to do or how to support me. This quiet companionship is something different. The Seth I knew was never any good with problems he couldn’t fix. He didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with them. “Thank you for being here.”
“Any time.” His voice is a deep rumble. Soft and gentle, but firm enough that I feel like I can lean on him—at least for a while. “If you need me, all you have to do is call.”
But I shouldn’t. Depending on him too much is what got me into a bad place last time.
Still, as he sits with me and provides a safe space for me to let go, I can’t help but wish he was mine.
After a while, he stirs. “Where’s your phone?”
I gesture to the nightstand. “Why?”
“I’m going to call your friends. You need them right now.”
Panic flares within me. “You shouldn’t do that.”
He hesitates. “They’re women, Ash. They can be there for you in a way I can’t.”
“Please don’t leave me alone.” God, I hate my desperation.
“Never.” His ocean eyes flash. “Never again, I promise.”
Seth
The way she clings to me tears my fucking heart out. The sight of tears glistening on her cheeks flays me. My chest compresses more with each second that passes, and the fact I don’t know how best to help her is the worst kind of torture, but I don’t move from her side. I may not have any clue what to do, but I know that leaving is the wrong option. Losing myself in work after she miscarried was the worst mistake of my life, and I’m not about to repeat it. As before, my own heart is also cracking because I’ve grown to depend on the visions of myself with Ashlin and a little cherub-cheeked boy that encroach on my dreams every night. The future I’ve been eager for is drifting further away, but it’s not out of reach. I’ll try for it as many times as Ashlin wants to.
Reaching over, I grab her phone and scroll through the contact list until I hit the Ps. Selecting Paige’s number, I call it and raise the phone to my ear.
“Hi, pumpkin,” Paige greets me cheerfully. “What’s my best girl up to?”
I clear my throat. “It’s Seth here.”
“Oh.” She trills with laughter. “Sorry about that. Why are you calling from Ashlin’s phone?”
Glancing at the woman in question, I wonder whether I should have left the bed to make this call, so she wouldn’t feel like we were discussing her right under her nose. But no, I refuse to leave her for even a minute.
“The test was negative.” I let that sink in, then add, “She needs you.”
For the first time, it occurs to me that Ashlin’s friends might actually be busy, but if they love her half as much as I do, they’ll make time. If not, they don’t deserve her, and I’ll let them know it.
“Oh, no. Poor Ash.” She hums in thought. “You were right to call. I’ll be there soon.”
“Thanks, Paige.”
“No problem.”
I hang up.
“She’s coming?” Ashlin asks.
“Yeah.” I place the phone back on the nightstand, then turn and wrap my free arm around her so she’s fully enveloped in an embrace. “She wants to be here for you, just like I do.”
She nods. We remain that way—wrapped around each other—for another half hour, until there’s a knock. Ashlin starts to move, but I stop her.
“I’ll get it.” I swing my legs out of the bed and stride to the door. My fingers have grasped the handle when she speaks.
“Thanks, Seth. I appreciate you being here.”
