My gaze skims over her. She’s always been petite, and honestly, I don’t see why she thinks she has anything to worry about. “You look great.”
Her lips quirk in acknowledgment, but she doesn’t say anything. We sit there for several moments, watching each other without speaking. Eventually, she sits forward and props her chin on her hands. “So, have you thought about what will happen if the pregnancy is successful?”
“We’ll have a baby,” I say, partly because being around her turns me into an idiot and partly because I just like the way the words sound in my mouth.
“Yes, Seth,” she says slowly, her expression asking if I’ve taken a blow to the head at training.
“And we’ll share custody,” I continue. Obviously I’d rather both her and the baby live with me, but if I say that right now, it’ll freak her the hell out. I have enough control over myself to hold back. Thank God for small mercies. “You’ll probably have him more often than me in the early days because he’ll need to be fed. Once he’s a bit older, we can have a more even custody split.”
Ashlin cocks her head. “We’re having a boy, are we?”
My thumb goes to the tattoo on the inside of my wrist.Cara. Somehow, it feels like less of a betrayal of our daughter if the next child is male. “It’s a figure of speech.”
She nods, but I can tell she wants to dig deeper into my psyche and figure out what’s going on in there. “Is your condo child-friendly?”
“Yeah. What about your place? You said you’re renovating it. Does it have a nursery?” Yet another thing I hadn’t expected. Ashlin working with her hands. While she wasn’t afraid of hard work when we were together, she wasn’t exactly hands-on either.
She visibly brightens. “It will soon. That’s the room I’m currently doing up.”
“Okay.” I just hope she’s not setting herself up for more hurt if she makes a home for a baby that might never come. I gulp a mouthful of beer, then add, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to start working on it before we get pregnant?”
The excitement in her eyes dims. “I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but I need to stay positive. Besides, if I don’t do something productive, I’ll go out of my mind with all the waiting.”
I’m glad she’s at least thought it through. I’d hate for her to end up where she was last time. “I’d be happy to help with the renovations.”
She glances away. “I’ve probably got all the help I need, but thanks for offering.”
Ouch. That was definitely a rejection. I’d have thought she’d be happy for any help she could get. Renovations are time-consuming, and especially if you’re working on them alone.
Unless she’s not.
She told me she doesn’t have a boyfriend, but what do I really know about her life? She could be seeing someone casually, or perhaps Paige Donovan’s smarmy brother likes to make himself useful, although I can’t imagine the trust funder brat from the photos I spent hours checking would go out of his way for anyone else.
Damn it. Now I desperately want to know whether she’s dated in the past three years, and I don’t have any right to ask. Perhaps I can frame it in a way that won’t make her angry.
“Did you, uh, try to meet anyone to do this baby thing with the natural way?” Fuck, I sound like an ass. The “natural way.” As if what we’re doing is wrong. It’s just giving nature a boost. Fortunately, she doesn’t seem to take it badly.
“I dated a few guys, but no one I was really interested in. Besides, men don’t generally want to be rushed into having kids, and I have a ticking clock.” She raises a shoulder and lets it drop. “I’ve probably got a few good years left in me, but I know what I want and I don’t see the sense in waiting.”
“I get it.” While many people have mistaken her for being easygoing, at her core she’s as stubborn as me. It’s just that there are few things she cares about enough to show her steely backbone. Ashlin doesn’t lose her temper when challenged, she just quietly goes on and does the thing she always intended to.
“You’d be one of the few who does.”
When she doesn’t ask me for my dating history in response, it disappoints me. I’d like her to know there hasn’t been anyone other than her. That the one time I got close to fucking another woman, I could barely look myself in the mirror.
“Who are the others who get it?” I ask, refusing to let the glimpse of insight into her life pass.
Ashlin
I breathe a sigh of relief when the waiter arrives with our food. He sets mine in front of me with a smile, then narrows his eyes at Seth as he passes the steak. I can’t help smirking at my ex-husband across the table.
When the waiter leaves, I murmur, “I think you’ve made a friend.”
He snorts, then does a double-take, as though the sound of his own laughter has shocked him. Sadness fills me. I hope that’s not the case.
“So, who’s your support system?” he asks.
“My therapist, and my friends, Jessica and Paige, who I met at a group for women who’ve miscarried or gone through a stillbirth.”
