Gabriel told them they were scaring off the fish, but his smile took the bite out of it.
He looked away from the scene when he heard boots against the grass. Beaumont slid down beside him, legs curled under him. He was wearing a ratty jean jacket and his typical slouchy beanie, blonde hair was in his eyes. It was artfully messy.
“Hey,” he said, voice low. “What did I miss?”
“Shakespearean levels of betrayal. Judd may never recover.”
“Well, as long as he doesn’t fall in love with his mother.”
Blake smiled and offered Beaumont a sip of his soda. He was a little surprised when he took it. Making a face as he took a sip. “It’s better cold.”
He hummed in acknowledgment and finished off the drink when he handed it back. They watched everyone in easy silence. He hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to Beaumont since their ill-fated mission. They’d all been so busy with preparations there hadn’t been time.
Gabriel looked up from his fishing spot, and his eyes narrowed. He didn’t have an issue with Beaumont, but he did with Alvarez. The two were practically a BOGO deal, and Gabriel might have put his issues aside to work with Alvarez, but he still hadn’t forgiven him for taking Blake out.
Blake stuck his tongue out at him.
Beaumont huffed. “I should apologize,” he said, brushing some hair from his eyes. “For the mission. And for after. I never—I should have said something to you. Thanked you.”
“For what?”
“For finding the insulin. Emily is pretty great, and the thought of her not getting it…” he swallowed, wrapping his arms around his knees. “And for the kid. I didn’t—I’m not good with kids. And after her mom died like that, I couldn’t face her.”
“I feel guilty, too.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe if we say it enough, we’ll start believing it.”
Beaumont nodded, his face grim. He looked paler than usual, his light brows drawn together. His throat bobbed. “You’re a good person, Blake. The kind of person I would have—I don’t think we would have been friends. Before. Not because of you, but because I wouldn’t have wanted to.”
Blake turned to look at him. It was a strange thing to say. Beaumont was chewing on the inside of his cheek, staring ata spot in the grass but not seeing it. He was wrestling with something. Probably whatever secret he was keeping so close.
“When Alvarez found me, I was running. I didn’t—I’d never really trusted anyone except my b—brother and—” his words were stilted. Like he was yanking them out from between clenched teeth.
“Whatever your secret is,” Blake said, crumpling the can. “You can keep it.”
Beaumont looked up quickly.
“You don’t have to tell me. We’re not the same people we were before. I know you now. And that’s enough for me.”
Blue eyes flicked across Blake’s face for a moment, looking for the lie. The loophole. Something but the truth. He didn’t find it.
Hands shaking, he nodded. “Thank you.”
They didn’t embrace. Blake didn’t do that. But he felt like if he did, that would have been the moment for it. Instead, he tossed the empty can at Beaumont and asked him who his favorite superhero was.
They talked about movies until the sun went down, and the darkness chased everyone back to the motel. Judd and Phin built a bonfire. Alvarez pulled out a guitar. He was a good player despite the scowl. Blake sat on Gabriel’s lap, leaning against his warm chest. Gabriel sang along under his breath, voice low and chest rumbly. Blake could listen to him for hours.
Judd taught Victoria how to two-step. Phin was cajoled into dancing with Tommy, powerless against those puppy eyes. Emily danced with Sara. Emily’s parents even joined them. Her father’s fingers had permanent nerve damage, but he didn’t let that stop him. He twirled his wife until she was breathless, smiling for the first time since they’d arrived.
It was a strange little scene. The dark pressing around them wasn’t oppressive. It was comforting. Like they were living intheir own little bubble, with the stars twinkling above them and the flames warming their bones. Some people were drinking, and the alcohol made their limbs loose and their eyes hazy, but most of them wanted to remember. They wanted to sear this night into their brains. Etch it into their bones so that long after they’d died and their body decayed, they could keep it with them. Keep this space, this time, this humanity with them. As a reminder. Or maybe as an incentive. Something to steel their nerves when their time came.
Because as sure as the sun would rise, some of these people would not come back after this mission. They had seen their last sunset, and they knew it. It’s why they danced and sang.
It’s why Blake burrowed deeper into Gabriel’s arms, why he turned his cheek against his chest and tried to listen for the steadythump thumpof his heart. He wanted to memorize it. Take it with him so that when his own heart was too scared to beat, he could remember this. Use it like a metronome.
The heartbeat of the man who loved him.
