Avoiding looking at Gabriel, he turned the other way. To their right, Victoria and Judd were sitting at one of the breakfast tables. Judd was gesticulating about something, his voice carrying even as he tried to keep it lower. His mullet had grown out, now more like a shaggy mousy brown mane curling over his ears. He was also sporting a pretty decent mustache; it madeTommy giggle every time he looked him in the face. Victoria was turned away, her lips pressed together.
“Wonder what they’re arguing about.”
Blake glanced at Gabriel. “She’s trying not to laugh.”
The soldier did a double-take. “What?
“She’s pressing her lips together to keep from laughing. Her neck is strained, looking down at the table, which isn’t characteristic for her.” Victoria prided herself on always making uncomfortable amounts of eye contact. The fact that she wasn’t boring holes into Judd’s face was indication enough that she was trying to keep him from reading her expression.
Add to that the way she kept side-eyeing Judd, and the faintest of blushes dusting across her cheeks, and it was obvious what was happening.
But Gabriel wasn’t staring at Judd and Victoria anymore; he was looking down at Blake like he’d just offered him a gift he didn’t expect. His chameleon eyes somehow managed to sparkle in the dull light filtering through the frosted window. He reached forward, gently taking Blake’s hand.
“Can I take you somewhere? Just the two of us?”
Blake was caught off guard. That wasn’t what he expected, and he took a moment to consider if he really wanted to go with him. He still wasn’t sure how he was feeling. There was a small, bitter part of him that was still hurt. And as much as he hated how it tasted like battery acid on the back of his tongue, he didn’t want to let it go. A righteous sort of stubbornness that dug in deep, insisting that Blake was right.
But there was another part of him, a bigger part, that wanted to let it go. The part of him who slept in an empty bed and spent weeks looking toward the south, hoping to see that battered pickup truck pulling into the parking lot. The part of him that missed the scent of Gabriel’s skin on his pillow, and the way he left gobs of toothpaste in the sink.
Chewing his lip, Blake swallowed back the bitterness and smiled. “Lead the way.”
The snow was melting under one of their first rare sunny days. It sloshed over Blake’s boots as he followed Gabriel down the narrow sidewalk in town. Icicles dripping down from roofs sparkled in the sun, and with every step he took away from the motel, it felt a little easier to breathe.
Gabriel seemed happy, too. He had dipped out before leaving, coming back without any gear except his gun and a backpack. Most of them wore backpacks wherever they went on the off chance they found something worth scavenging, but Blake had left his behind. Gabriel was wearing his tactical pants. What was the point of all those pockets if he wasn’t going to use them to carry Blake’s stuff?
It had been a long time since Blake had seen Gabriel without his plate carrier and helmet. It had been a long time since he’d seen Gabriel, period, but every time he pictured him in his mind, it was always fully geared up. If he took the time to think about it, Blake could say it was probably because to him, Gabriel was safety. A protector.
Also, he looked hot in his gear.
Usually, Blake went into town with a group, and they had some kind of objective. But Gabriel seemed content to just walk, occasionally pointing something out—like the funny fish-shaped mailbox on one house, or a stray cat sauntering across the road with dead leaves in its whiskers.
As they crossed an intersection, Gabriel took Blake’s hand, threading their fingers through before stuffing both hands in his pocket. His skin was warm, calluses tickling Blake’s palm.Ridiculously, Blake found himself blushing. Like he hadn’t seen this man fully naked multiple times, it was holding hands that made butterflies erupt in his stomach.
Wrinkling his nose, he squeezed Gabriel’s hand. “That’s so gay.”
Gabriel waggled his eyebrows. “Wait until you hear what I want to do with my mouth. That’ssupergay.”
Their laughter echoed around the narrow street, and Blake let his shoulder bump against Gabriel’s as they continued walking.
“You never did tell me how you came out.”
Gabriel huffed, his breath pluming in front of his lips. “Not much to tell, really. I don’t think I ever really hid it. I was never interested in dating anyone I worked with, and people just assumed I was straight.”
Blake could barely remember when Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed. He had been young and more concerned with who was going to get the good basketball in gym class. It never occurred to him that one day he’d be walking hand in hand with a man. But then, sexuality had never been at the forefront of his mind.
At least, not until Gabriel stepped into his ambulance, reeking of sweat and gunpowder, with his changing eyes and confidence oozing out of every pore.
“Phin begged me not to come out,” Gabriel admitted. “He’d known I was gay since boot camp. We went out to celebrate graduating, and we got hammered. He was carrying me home when I told him I didn’t want to suck his dick.”
Blake chuckled. “Bet he loved that.”
“Pretty sure he was grateful,” Gabriel laughed. “It never bothered him. We’d been through so much by that point, I could have told him I believed the moon was cheese and he would have rolled with it.”
“But he didn’t want you to come out?”
“He knew how hard it would be,” Gabriel answered with a shrug. “And he was right. But I felt like it was time. I thought there was probably some kid, fresh out of boot camp, who was terrified to be themselves. I owed it to them. To all the kids who weren’t as lucky as I was—to have parents who supported me, and friends who didn’t treat me any differently. I could take the hits so they didn’t have to.”
Blake couldn’t imagine. He’d never had to come out. Sure, he noticed guys before. He appreciated their beauty but never felt the need to pursue it or even question if it was normal. Maybe he just thought it was envy over their height or jawline, or their big hands. He never stopped to think whether every other guy did the same.
