Jyuri shook his head. “It’s a complicated matter. She is real enough to bless them with magic, but magic bestowed by the gods is far less powerful than what lies inside of you. It is no stronger than the magic drawn from the natural world itself channeled through a conduit. What you have is raw, godly magic which should not exist in this mortal realm. You disrupt the balance. They fear you because you threaten their control.” He narrowed his gaze at me. “Who would worship an invisible Goddess when faced with one in the flesh?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I was no goddess. I hadn’t even made a proper Saintess. Granted, I’d been trying to commune with a denounced Fae inhabiting my body, not the holy being I believed to be my god. Nonetheless, I had no desire to be a symbol for the people of Lustria. I’d witnessed the evil that faith manifested in the world firsthand. I would never willingly choose to be a part of that. Never again.
I would save Val’Naeris, I would save Alandris, but I would not paint myself as someone holy to be revered.
“That is why you wish to use me as bait,” I murmured. “If I show up there, they will have no choice but to show themselves. They will fight me with the magic bestowed by their Goddess, and then the people of Val’Naeris will know exactly who is behind the attacks on their temples. The citizens will never turn their backs on the royal family to accept the Cardinal as their ruler.”
“Precisely.” Jyuri wagged his finger. “And I will have the great, long-awaited pleasure of pulling their bones from their flesh.”
Zorinna groaned and turned to me with a frown. “If we don’t do it this way, we run the risk of them targeting Val’Naeris again. We must expose them for what they are.” She pursed her lips.“I’m sorry, Nairu. We wouldn’t put you in danger if there was any other way.”
“You will not be hurt,” Kaz added. “I will assure that.”
Jyuri mumbled through gritted teeth, so bitterly it was almost laughable. “As will I.”
The threat of death didn’t worry me. I trusted my friends unconditionally. I even trusted Jyuri to keep me alive, given his bargain. It was the fear of the aftermath that plagued me with worries. That word—goddess—had triggered something inside of me that had made my skin crawl and my chest tighten until I could barely breathe. I’d escaped my village… I was no longer a tool. All that remained was to remove Zaelos, and I would finally be free.
I’d not thought about the ‘after’. What would I become when all that remained was myself and the power he’d left me with no leash to restrain me? It was already so much stronger with my memories returned to me. If he was gone too…
The Divine Council would view me as a veritable goddess, then. Not one to be worshiped, but one to be hunted. My safety depended on their annihilation. The realization hit me like a knife to the heart—Zaelos wasn’t the end for me. He never had been.
The tightness in my chest spread further until every muscle in my body seized up. My voice came out as a strangled gasp. “I—I need a moment alone.”
Rushing out of the cabin door, I collapsed to my knees on the forest floor. Loose sticks and rocks dug into my skin, but I was grateful for the sensation. Anything to distract me from the horrible feeling of suffocating. I drew in as deep a breath as I could manage, but it wasn’t enough. My shaking arms struggled to hold up my body weight, my head hanging between them as I dry-heaved. When the worst of it passed, the numbness spreadthrough my body first, then my mind—same as it always did, until I could barely form a coherent thought.
There was only one person I wanted at my side when this happened. Only one person who could bring me peace when it felt like my world was crashing down on me.
I whispered to the wind, my words slurred and nearly inaudible. “I will do anything to save him. To save the things he loves.”
A voice whispered in my mind, but it wasn’t Zaelos.Will you become the thing you fear the most?
“Anything.”
Ishould not have fallen asleep, but the group persuaded me to rest since we weren’t going to the Temple of the Moon until nightfall. Tonight, the moon would be full—a key night of worship for the temple’s patrons and the most likely night for the Divine Council to attack. My appearance was meant to draw forth more members, ideally those in the upper echelon who were masterminding the assault on Val’Naeris. If all went according to plan, there would be blood to pay.
Sleep did nothing to bolster my confidence. Instead, memories of too many lifetimes flashed before my eyes, voices echoing over one another. Too many versions of me screaming, crying, and praying to a god who would never answer. Because the benevolent god had never existed, only the monster who’d crawled his way inside of me, waiting for the right moment to devour the dutiful Saintess whole.
Saintess.The word felt like ash in my mouth now more than ever.
I had to hope these night terrors would not be permanent. My body was already struggling to compensate for the all-consuming magical energy that had only grown stronger upon the return of my memories. Simple tasks were more physically draining than they should have been. And the sleepless nights were only making everything worse, painting my under-eyes with mottled purple and blue splotches and dizzying my mind.
I was fine. I just needed Zaelos out. That was all.
The moment Lorian announced our departure was a welcome reprieve from my thoughts. I cinched my leathers tight, threw on my boots, and tucked a dagger into my hip belt. I thought I was ready, but nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to walk into.
The path towards the city was a well-traveled road. We’d been hiding out close enough to the city center that it didn’t take long to reach the outskirts. It was an eerily quiet night, but I assumed most of the populous were preparing for the service at the Temple. I was wrong.
The smell hit me first—a nauseatingly rancid odor that was enough to make bile rise in my throat. Coupled with the fire-smoke in the air, it was near impossible to breathe. Heat permeated the air from the source of the flames off in the distance, licking at our skin as the sky sprinkled us with gray and black specks of ash. Warning bells rang in my head. Run. That was the natural thing to do. Run from whoever, whatever, had done this.
My legs didn’t agree with my mind. They pushed me forward towards the rising smoke until a small open-air temple made of wood and stone came into view, engulfed in flame. Statues, paintings, and offerings littered the ground, shattered into pieces. Sacrilege. The Divine Council had ravaged this holy place, leaving its worshipers with nothing to celebrate their faith.
I took another step, but Lorian’s hand flew up to stop me. He shook his hand, swallowing. “Don’t.”
Despite the warning, I followed his line of sight. I wished I hadn’t.
In the center of the temple was a small crumbled shrine, and around that a sea of blood. Bodies of Elves, stripped of their robes, chained together, and brutalized beyond belief. Skin flayed from their bodies, what little remained bubbling and oozing from the fire surrounding them. Males, females, children. The bastards had spared no one. I could only hope that they’d died of their injuries before the torture of being burned alive. There was no worse death….
I looked back at Lorian, his jaw tight with silent rage. He may have left Val’Naeris, but these were his people. “This—this is worse than the last attack. Much worse.”
