“I’m sure they do, but no.” He stared into my eyes. “Your magic—divinely derived from your god—is why they hunt you.”
“And? Plenty of Mages divine their magic from the gods they worship.”
He paused, and I could see the inner turmoil of what he wanted to tell me and what he felt comfortable telling me painted on his face. “I imagine they eventually would like to eliminate those Mages as well, but your situation, in particular, is quite a bit different. Gods grant only a drop of their power to mages who divine their magic from them. In your case, you’ve got the whole well at your disposal, and it’s only growing stronger.
The gods exist in their own respective realms. Their bodies cannot survive within our mortal realm. Immortal as they may be, they, too, have their flaws—they cannot grace us with their presence for long before they wither away. That is not to say that none have tried, nor is it to say that it is an impossible feat. They would simply need a vessel.”
“A body to dwell within,” I murmured.
Alandris nodded solemnly. “I cannot tell you when or how it happened, but a Fae god lives within you. He goes by the name ofZaelos, and as far as I’ve garnered, your people are the only ones who worship him.”
The name leaving his lips felt so familiar, but that familiarity was not a thing of comfort. My entire body shivered with chills. Images flashed in my mind, but they were far too blurry and fragmented to make any sense.
“I don’t even worship anymore!” I clutched my robe in my fists until my knuckles turned white. “Why would it be me? I am no devout follower. I turned away from my faith.” Even as I fought it, I knew it was true. The voice who’d revealed himself in the mirror as Zaelos back on the Phoenix Heart was the very one Alandris spoke of—a god.
Alandris frowned, his eyes full of sadness. “I don’t know why it was you. I’m sorry, Nairu.”
Rising to my feet, I said, “It’s fine, right?” my voice trembling with hysteria. “I need to avoid this Divine Council, but it’s fine, right? I have a god’s power at my disposal. That’s not a bad thing.”
“Nairu,” he stood, gripping my shoulders. “He is consuming you. His overwhelming power is destroying you, little by little, and if left unchecked, he will eventually consume you completely. He will own you in mind and body.” The thought seemed to disgust him, his lip curling to reveal his teeth.
My lips parted, and I let out a shaky breath. “What do I do?”
“I’m trying to figure that out. I promise.” His eyes were full of resolve. “I won’t let anything happen to you. I’m near a breakthrough—I know I am. In the meantime, the best thing we can do is teach you how to control your magic. The better you can control it, the less control he will have over you. It will buy us some time.”
But how much time could it possibly buy? The signs were there all along, blinding warning lights flashing right before my eyes. Zaelos was already whispering in my mind. He’d even takencontrol during my fight with Jyuri. His attempts to overpower me seemed to tire him, at least. Even now, he was silent. But how long would that last?
A hand softly gripped the side of my face, and I refocused on the male before me. “I will not let you die.”
“Why?” One word to ask a million questions running through my mind. Why was whether I lived or died his problem? Why did he care? Why did he know so much about me? Why.
His hand dropped to his side. “I think I’ve said enough for one night. Get some rest, Nairu. Please.”
I stood alone in his room, frozen in time by the realization that I’d never been free. Not with my people, who I now knew had sent me on a pilgrimage to my death, knowing that allowing our god to use me as a vessel would erase my existence. Not on the Phoenix Heart, where I’d experienced happiness and friendship unlike anything I knew was possible. And not now, within the walls of the Consortium, where I’d once felt trapped, but now felt somehow safe. No matter where I went, I was a prisoner.
Ispent the next few days in and out of consciousness, melding into the mattress until it had become a part of me. I knew I was not within my own room and that I needed to leave, but I didn’t have the willpower to move. A feeling of emptiness was enveloping me—a cold and all too familiar cocoon. It was oddly comforting. This—this feeling of despondency I was used to. It was the bliss I’d felt these past two years that had been out of place.
In my haze, Alandris had visited several times. He’d explained that he told Elle the reason for my absence from lessons and our room was both a ‘punishment’ for attending the ball in secret and because I’d come down with a sickness. Solitude to consider the repercussions of my actions and recuperate. In reality, he’d not scolded me at all, nor had he forbidden me from returning to my dorm or asked me to leave, regardless of how selfish it was for me to encroach upon his space for days on end.
I’d expected after the first day of wallowing in bed that Alandris would force me out, force me to talk. Something. But he never did. He brought me food and water and sat on the edge ofthe bed, talking to me about random subjects without expecting a response in return. Sometimes, he would sit at his desk and work while I stared up at the ceiling. He’d read aloud to himself, letting me know that if it bothered me, I could tell him to shut up. I’d almost smiled then. I enjoyed listening to his voice. Something about it grounded me, so I never asked him to stop.
It was on the fourth day that another strange dream flooded my mind. It felt as though I were sitting in complete darkness. All around me, above, below, and beyond, was utter nothingness. The only thing in the void beside me was a male with paper-white skin and glaring yellow eyes. I felt name on the tip of my tongue the moment I saw him, as though coming from somewhere deep within me. Zaelos.
“How many times is it now?” I asked.
He smiled, sharp-toothed and mocking. “Four.”
I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my chin there. “Why are you doing this? What is it you hope to accomplish?”
“Revenge.”
“You said that the first time we met.” I sighed, feeling myself slipping away. “This seems like a lot of effort for a simple act of revenge.”
He glared at me with piercing anger, his words dripping with venom. “It is not simple, stupid girl. She who has wronged me deserves a special kind of comeuppance. Everything I did was for her.”
I waited in silence. His emotions clearly consumed him. It was more than he’d ever revealed to me, and I feared if I breathed wrong, he would remember that I was listening.
“I’d intended to do things the right way. A lesser Fae raising their rank through favors to those above him. I made myself look like a desperate fool in love.” He worked his jaw. “It was never enough. No matter what I did, I couldn’t make my way into the inner court. Associating with a lesser Fae would makea mockery of Amorphael. She had no choice but to keep her distance, and I never blamed her for that. There is an order to things with my kind.
