I shiver, my mind a mess of desire and now confusion.Is he pushing me away?If this is the only chance I have to be with him, then I’m not letting it go.
“Why not?” I challenge him. “Why can’t we?”
His arms close around me, stroking my naked back in ways that contradict his declaration. “I know you, Tansy. This is a compromise. It isn’t what you want.”
I tip my head back to see his face, sudden anger coursing through me, my instinctive power rising with it. “How do you know what I want?”
He remains calm—he’s always calm even when he’s angry—and the fact that he’s regained his control so quickly infuriates me even more. As soon as my magic sparks between us, his palm spreads flat against my back, and at that single touch… all of the anger drains out of me.
My instinctive power calms. Just like before, it feels like he’s deliberately draining it from me.
I search for a sign that he’s accessing his assassin’s magic, wondering if that’s how he’s doing it, but there’s no telltale silver haze around him.
He says softly, “Because I want the same thing. I want to feel what you feel.”
My heart thuds inside my chest, a frantic beat. I search his eyes for emotions I desperately need to see. Are they there? Maybe hidden behind the assassin’s mask?
Stop kidding yourself.
I drop my head to his shoulder. My eyes burn. I can’t stop the tears that suddenly slide from my eyes and drip onto his shoulder. “But you can’t.”
His voice is a rumble at my ear, his heart still pounding against my palm where it’s squished between us. “You deserve more, Tansy.”
I whisper, “What if this is a compromise I’m willing to make?”
He’s quiet. Too quiet. His breathing comes slowly under control. “You might tell yourself that, but it isn’t true. You have to—” He swallows. “You have to let me go. We have to let each other go.”
He pulls back, cupping his hand to my cheek. “You have so much love in your heart that you’re afraid to show anyone. You have so much to give. I want you to find someone who can return it.”
His gaze follows the tear trickling down my cheek. “You need to find someone who can give you everything, not just this.”
His hand brushes my shoulder, grazing my collar bone. My body burns, and all I want is to kiss him again.
What he doesn’t know is that I tried. I went on a few dates, had a few coffees, tried to be normal, but nobody compares to him, nobody’s presence makes my heart hammer and at the same time makes me feel like I belong, like I’ve found my place in the world.
“No!” My voice is a near shout.
Wrenching out of his arms, I push away from him up the bed. I wrestle my arms through the straps of my dress while the vinesdo the rest, curling around the gauzy material to slide the dress back into place.
“I refuse to find anyone else, Alexei Mason. I choose you.”
I push my way through the plush cushions, disguising my movements as I sweep the rubies into my fist. I find my feet on the floor at the end of the bed and clench both my fists in defiance—one to hide the rubies, the other… because anger is my friend right now.
Thorns rise along the edges of the vines, a defensive mechanism that I can’t stop.
Alexei’s eyes widen in surprise. “You choose me, despite the fact that I can’t love you?”
“Yes.” My voice breaks. “I want you to be able to choose too. Whether or not you choose me, you deserve to know your own heart.”
I want him to be able to feel again, for his heart to be whole, for his emotions to be returned. Once he does, he might not want me. He told me once that I was a logical choice: I was a witch like his mother, and I was both powerful and beautiful—his words, not mine.
Once logic no longer dominates his decisions, he might turn away from me. I’m prepared for that because at least I’ll know it’s a real choice, not one made by default.
I inch toward the cube’s entrance. “I’ll do whatever it takes to give you back your emotions.”
His forehead creases. “Tansy…?”
I take a step toward the cube’s front, praying it’ll open immediately. Praying Alexei doesn’t come after me.
