Everything is ready, but I just couldn’t bring myself to admit that I could feel the world shifting beneath my feet.
Knowing that by tomorrow night, I’ll be in a completely new city.
Alone.
And, in two days, I’m going to get a phone call that will change my life forever.
Above all of that, I haven’t told a single soul what I’m going through. I just don’t feel like I can. Because while I am surrounded by people who love me unconditionally, I don’t want to burden them, and stress them out when it could all amount to just…nothing. That my fear of being sick is all in my head.
But I’m too in tune with my body to know that I’m not overreacting, to know that the doctor was wrong when he told me I had nothing to worry about. In the pit of my stomach, I knew I needed a second opinion.
And I’ve been waiting for those results for a little over three months.
Countless tests, visits to doctors, and what seems like an endless amount of waiting.
"What’s left to do?" Cassandra whispers, careful not to wake the sleeping baby on her chest. Nodding her head to the remotecontrol, Lizzie picks it up and pauses the movie. "Tell me again how much bigger this tour is compared to the one you went on seven months ago."
I have all of her attention, that much is clear. Even when Willow grunts at the sound of her mom’s voice, Cassandra remains calm.
"The last tour was…" a lot for me. Mentally and physically, it probablywastoo much, in hindsight. But when they offered for me to go on the road with Akira Rain again, I couldn’t say no. My body was screamingat me to do so, to wait until I was in the all clear, but my words ran off on their own, agreeing to a five-month-long stint, playing in arenas across the country, with crowds of up to twenty thousand people.
Akira Rain’s Comeback Tour.
"…Smaller. It was to gauge how the crowd would react to Akira going back on tour for the first time in over a decade, to test out the response to her new music. But, I guess it was enough." I shrug, shoveling up a handful of popcorn into my mouth.
"How many people were at those shows?" It’s Lizzie who asks this time, but I know she’s asking for Cassandra, who's trying to minimize her bodily movements.
"Two hundred." I swallow hard.
"Don’t you get nervous? I don’t know how you can sing in front of so many people and act like it’s no big deal. When you’d play at Bridie’s, it would sell out every single time. But that capacity would be like, what? Eighty, ninety people?" Cassandra whispers, her eyes floating freely between Lizzie and me.
I reply with a stiff nod. Bridie’s is the only pub in Grangewood Creek. I’ve performed there a lot over the last few years.
"And your first show is at Madison Square Garden," Lizzie says, shaking her head wide-eyed in disbelief. "Our sister. The superstar." The three of us chuckle quietly as Lizzie nudges me with her shoulder, resting her head comfortably against the sideof mine. "Do you think things will get awkward between you and Akira, considering the last time you saw her, you and her…"
"No." I cut Lizzie off mid-sentence. Unfortunately for me, my two sisters know more about my personal life than I care to admit.
Once I got home from the tour, they pressed and pressed andpressedme to know if I’d met anybody while traveling.
This small-town girl didn’t like to leave Grangewood Creek, which meant my chances of meeting anybody were slim. Regardless of whether I wanted to or not.
When they saw my phone background—a picture of Akira and me, looking a little too comfortable to bejust friends—the questions started rolling in.
"Are you guys dating?" No.
"Well, did you hook up?" Yes.
"Are there feelings involved?" No.
"Were there ever?" No again. It was a one-time thing that we both agreed to, but we became friends. She set the photo as my background, and I just forgot to change it back.
I forced myself to give more than a one word response to their final question in the hopes it would be enough for them to back off.
Thankfully, it worked.
"I’m going to miss you, you know." Cassandra sighs, but she doesn’t attempt to hide the tears that flow freely down her face. "And this little girl will know all about her rock-star aunt, who took the world by storm while she was busy sleeping twenty hours a day." She smiles up at me, big, hazel eyes savoring every inch of my face. It feels as though she’s trying to etch it into her memory, as though we’re never going to see each other again.
Sadness overshadows every other emotion she could possibly feel. I just want to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything will be okay.
