Because, yeah, I watched the interview.
I watched it live with everyone else.
Then I watched the replay.
And then, I turned my phone on ‘do not disturb’ and watched the stupid interview again and again, like my life depended on it.
I don’t even think I blinked.
It ended up killing the battery on my phone. Once I’d plugged it in to charge, I watched it again. By that point, I’d fully accepted that I’d had a problem and just went with it, mouthing the words as they spoke them.
Pathetic, I know, but like I said, I’d accepted it.
“I call bullshit, but whatever you want to tell yourself.” Lizzie sips her pink cocktail, eyeing me over the rim of her glass.
“I also call bullshit, but I won’t pry. Mara is clearly just doing it for publicity on the movie, so I wouldn’t sweat it. Her team was probably behind the whole thing,” Olive says casually, flicking through her menu.
“Do I look like I’m sweating?” I pat my napkin all over my face, showing it to them to prove a point, and—thankfully—it’s dry as a bone. “Like I said, it’s none of my business.” I pour myself a fresh glass of wine from the complimentary bottle Bea left on our table. We’ve been at Bridie’s since Tahnee and I got off set this afternoon, and the girls finished up at work. They both teach at the school here in town, and the timing just worked out for us to meet for a quick drink.
“If you really don’t care, why haven’t you spoken a word to him since he got back from New York? You can’t even look in his direction without turning red,” Tahnee asks, thinking she’s pointing out something groundbreaking.
It’s not true, though. I just avoided telling them he and I spent alotof time together holed up in my apartment because my heart was a little bit broken, and he was there to pick up the pieces. Even after he’d put the pieces back together, he only left my place when hehadto.
I also failed to mention that he showed up on my doorstep last night before he flew out to California, planted a hot and heavy kiss on my lips, and I all but begged him to fuck me.
Because if I told themanyof that, they would get the wrong idea. They’d try to convince me that maybe, just maybe…I might be falling for him.
But I’m not.
Lie.
“I’m busy, and he’s busy. We know our roles to play in this job. Just because we occasionally sleep together doesn’t mean wehave to be down each other’s throats every second of the day.” I mean,that’snot a lie. But just because I said those words out loud, doesn’t mean I don’t want them to be true.
I don’t know when it shifted between us, but after I opened up to him about my mom, I felt myself inching closer to him, and he wasn’t pulling away.
Almost like he was searching for it.
The next day, the word ‘friend’ was used by each of us way too many times. But I had to force myself to say it, like I was trying so desperately to convince myself and him that friendship was all I wanted, because friendship is all I’ve ever known—all I’d ever allowed myself to feel.
Sure, I thought I was in love with my high school boyfriend, but looking back…I don’t think I even know what love felt like.
I grew up with it until the age of five, then suddenly it was just…ripped from me. Which meant I didn’t know what it felt to be in it or fall out of it.
“You know, he called me last week to ask for a favor?” Tahnee says, and my eyebrows pinch together as I nibble the inside of my cheek. “He asked me to cover you for a steamy scene he had to shoot with Mara,” she tells me.
When he told me he had a scene to shoot with Mara, I didn’t really question it, even though I should have. I’m the head of hair and makeup, but didn’t get a call to tell me that I would be required, so I shrugged it off. Now I know why.
But he told me it wasn’t an intimate scene.
“Oh, he totally didn’t want you to see him slobber all over Mara and her naked body,” Lizzie says, her words not helping to ease the heavy pit in my stomach. I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, but now I have the image of Cole’s lips in places on Mara’s body that I don’t want them to be. “I guess that’s kind of sweet, though. He didn’t want you to get jealous.” She pouts, her eyes glimmering with mischief.
Zoning out, I lift my phone off my table to send a text to Tahnee, even though she’s sitting right beside me.
Me:Was it actually a spicy scene?
I look at my colleague, and she shakes her head in response to my message.
Me:No, as in you don’t want to tell me, or no, as in there was nothing intimate about it?
