“I have no real plans today.” I drizzle the caramel around the edges of my glass, throw five cubes of ice into the bottom, and pour in the coffee and creamer, before giving it a stir with my giant glass straw. I take a long, dragged out sip, desperate for the caffeine to take away the throbbing in my head.
Still nothing.
“Do you think you could run some lines with me?” he asks casually but quickly. “I have a…” he hesitates, and I know in my gut what he’s about to say, so I place my cutlery down and turn my body to face him.
“Aspecificscene?” I finish his sentence, and he nods awkwardly, both of us suddenly incapable of even saying the word ‘sex’.
My stomach falls at my feet.
I have no right to feel the way that I do at this moment. We’re friends who occasionally have sex, and pretending to be in love with Mara is part of his job description.
But he pretends to be in love with you, too.I try to remind myself, but it’s no use.
Mara is everything that I’m not.
Tall.
Thin.
Beautiful.
“Sure, I’ll help,” I finally say, even more aware of my body type, my mom’s constant disapproval ringing in my ears. How am I the girl he’s sleeping with, when girls like Mara exist in his everyday life? She’s the woman he getspaidto be with, and still, he apparently wants me.
I shake my head. “When do we start?”
“As soon as possible, if that’s okay? The interview we filmed in New York is going to air tonight, and Tate is expecting to be flooded with calls for more interviews, and photoshoots, and apparently I need to create more of a social media presence.”
He’s anxiously rambling, that much is obvious. It’s such a change from the man I’ve come to know. “Unless it’s too uncomfortable for you to…you know, be that way with me after last night, and you need to talk to Cassandra or Tahnee about everything with your mom.”
I don’t interrupt him, I just let him go.
Who knew that watching Cole Green panic would be so endearing.
“Cole.” I smile, and his head flips in my direction. “Get your script. I will focus on all things Becky Rogers when I need to. Right now, you have all of me,” I say with a smile, and he swallows hard. “I mean, you have all of myattention.” I correct myself. “Last night…it was a one-time thing. I let it get to me, and unfortunately, you were there to take the brunt of it. Which, by the way, I’m grateful for, and really sorry about,” I say, brushing it off with a wave of my hand, but he takes it in his.
“I’d do it over again, Snow. You should never be embarrassed about being vulnerable. If the last twelve hours have taught me anything, it’s that you’re a lot stronger than anybody knows. And any scars you have, visible or not, they make you the person you are.” He kisses the back of my hand, and I force myself to look away.
I showed him more of myself than I ever intended to. More than I’d shown even Cassandra in my darkest days. We lived together when I went through my breakup with my ex, so she had no choice but to see me like that. Neither of us were ready for our friendship to progress so quickly, but if it didn’t, we wouldn’t be where we are now.
One minute, she was knocking on my door after answering the ad I’d put up in a local cafe, and the next, I was curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out, overwhelmed with loss and heartbreak. I lived in the darkness of my bedroom, because the light of the outside world was just too much for my heart to handle.
I was constantly hunched over a toilet bowl, throwing up everything I’d consumed, because I couldn’t keep it down, and she held my hand through it all.
She held my hair back, too.
My mom, though? I didn’t hear a word.
When she finally called to ask where I was, because she hadn’t seen me in so long, she mentioned that she bumped into him at the gas station, and said he asked how I was.
I’ll never forget that phone call.
She was crying tome, asking how I could ruin somethingso good, begging me to get back together with him becausehemissedme.As ifshewasn’t the reason he broke up with me. Likeherruining his parent’s marriage wasmyfault.
She’s always had a hard time understanding that I don’t need another friend in this life. I may not have many, but the ones I do have, mean everything to me.
But I did need a mother.
Didbeing the key word.
