Not only were we all hungover, me probably more so than the other two, but I was torn with how I felt about Harley and how everything transpired last night. I wasn’t sure how I could feel mad, guilty, and turned on, all at the same time.
He didn’t need to turn to violence, but coming to my rescue like that was something I had never experienced before, and it made my lady bits tingle, even though I begged them to just…chill.
I can’t count the number of times I had been in a compromising position in college and Austin just sat back and ignored it because his roommate Monty ‘wasn’t a threat’. Yet, he continued to make me uncomfortable every time I visited their apartment.
Harley didn’t even need to hear the entire conversation before he jumped to my defense. He saw Austin lay a hand on me, and that was all the motive he needed.
I don’t condone that behavior, but I think Harley had been waiting a long time to be able to put Austin in his place.
Also, I’m pretty sure Harley told me he wanted to fuck me. But that also could have been a dream or part of my drunken haze, even though I accidentally shut it down this morning.
Do I want to sleep with Harley?
Probably more than I need oxygen to survive.
But so many things keep getting in the way, and I feel like it’s a sign from the universe to not cross that line.
What I remember with one hundred percent clarity, though, is that I threw up on him and my drunken apology wasn’t enough.
I needed to apologize to him properly. I just had to figure out how.
***
We got back to Grangewood Creek a week ago, and Jenna and I are only now catching up.
She’s been overwhelmingly busy with work, and I’ve been busy trying to not fuck up anything else.
"So, what happened?" she asked over our FaceTime call, while I'm finally curled up in my bed after a long, harrowing week back at work. A long week of avoiding Harley to the best of my ability.
"I’m so sorry. I hope it didn’t ruin your night," I say, feeling even more guilty about the interaction with the man I hoped to never see again.
"Nope. We’re not doing that. You didn’t expect to see him. You took the conversation outside before the argument even began, because you didn’t want to cause a scene and take the attention away from me. The only person at fault ishim. Besides, I had no idea that anything had even happened until you left. Tahnee waited until then to tell me she saw Harley punch Austin in the face." She chuckles while tying her long, blonde hair into a bun at the nape of her neck before washing the day’s make up off her face. "Super hot of him to come to your defense like that, by the way. Your knight in shining armor." She swoons. "Now, tell me what happened. Don’t skip any details."
Racing down the stairs, I feel Austin right behind me with heavy footsteps.
"For fuck’s sake, Cass. Just wait," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder, turning my body, forcing me to face him.
"Not here," I spit, shaking his hand off me, leading him as far away from the party as possible.
Once we’re an acceptable distance away from The Velvetine, I stop in my tracks, turning to see his face, and stare at the royal blue eyes I once adored, and now despise.
"Speak," I demand.
He takes a while to think about what he wants to say. It’s like I’m watching him try to come up with an excuse or a lie that he thinks I’ll believe, though we both know he isn’t capable.
“You have some nerve coming here with him.”
Really? That’s where he wants to start this conversation? This is all about Harley?
"That’s what this is about?" I ask, rolling my eyes, placing my hands on my hips.
"I came here to win you back, Cass. To explain myself," he says, and the laugh that escapes my throat is the most obnoxious sound I’ve ever heard.
"I don’t think there’s anything you can do or say that could make me want you back, Austin. I know enough. I don’t need you to explain anything, and I don’t need closure. I don’t want you. It’s that simple," I reply. I couldn’t be more honest if I tried.
He eyes me warily in disbelief, like he’s waiting for me to admit I’m joking, and I’ll ride off into the sunset with him and live happily ever after. Be the Cassandra he once knew, who would always pick him over anybody. But that girl is long gone.
"But you love me. I know you do. You don’t just stop loving someone, Cassandra." I laugh again. Ironic, coming from him.
