She’s annoyed at me, and I get it.
She wants what’s best for me.
I just wish she thought the couch and a tub of ice cream were what I’d needed.
But if I know Jennifer Rogers like I know I do, this day is going to be large, and I have no choice but to go along with it.
So, instead of putting up a fight, I roll my eyes and help her unpack enough food to feed a family of six as she prepares the feast.
two
Cassandra
"I know you didn’twant to leave the house today, but for what it’s worth, I’m glad you did. I really wanted to spoil my best friend," Jenna says.
I hear the sincerity in her voice before I see it written all over her face, and it makes me feel guilty. I don’t want to be here, and I think we both know it, but it doesn’t stop her from trying.
"You spoiled me enough today already with your beautiful gift," I reply, bringing my hand up to my collarbone to touch my new necklace. It’s a simple, gold chain, with a cursiveCand a small, but visible, emerald stone attached to it.
My birth stone, and my favorite color.
"Not to mention, the feast you prepared for us this morning, too." I sigh. Even though I couldn’t possibly fit any more food in, my mouth is still salivating as I remember the pancakes, the bacon, the eggs (fried, scrambled, and poached), the waffles, and the smoothies she blended, too. I hadn’t eaten a proper meal in weeks until this morning.
I feel like I’ve gained back some of the weight I’ve no doubt lost in the last few weeks.
We had spent what felt like hours walking through Manor Mall, and even though I’m in sneakers, my feet are starting to burn. Jenna convinced me that we both needed a massage, so that was our first stop this morning.
I hate to admit it, but she was right.
We’ve been in about six different dress stores, too, and nothing has caught Jenna’s eye.
"Oooh, let’s see if there’s anything in here," she says, clasping my hand in hers, pulling me into a store called Minko.
It looks expensive and way out of my budget, I won’t deny it. But It doesn’t stop my eyes from wandering, even though I have no events coming up that would even warrant a gown like these.
"This dress would look fucking incredible on you, C." Jenna’s voice catches my attention from the other side of the store. The dress she holds out for me is floor length, deep, royal blue in color, and the softest looking velvet I’ve ever seen, with spaghetti straps and a hanging neckline to complete the dress.
"You never know when you’re going to need a dress like this." She wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I can’t help but grin.
"I have no events coming up." I shrug as I take it off her to hang back on the rack.
"Comeon, C, just try it on. Humor me," she insists, and so I do.
Once I close the curtain to the change room, I shimmy out of my light blue jeans, pull my white singlet over my head, and slip the dress on.
It’s too big, practically swimming on me.
"Can you pass me a smaller size, Jen? The sizing in this store is way off," I shout over the curtain.
Lie.
The sizing is right. I’ve just lost a lot more weight than I care to admit, especially out loud.
I haven’t allowed myself to look in a mirror since he left. I didn’t want to see a shell of myself looking back.
So rather than feel the weight of my own shame, I stopped looking in mirrors all together.
Out of sight, out of mind and all that.
