"Good, the job is mine if I want it."
Turning on the tap, I get started on the dishes while she stands beside me, towel in hand, ready to dry them.
"Do you want it?"she asks.
"I do. I think it would be good for me. My belongings arrive this week, too. So, timing wise, everything is lining up perfectly. Once they get here, I’ll be out of your hair. Harley even offered to help me look for an apartment," I say, my attempts to stay on task wavering, feeling my mom’s eyes burning a hole into the side of my head.
Even though I love being back home, I’m thirty and I refuse to go backward. The longer I stay here, the harder it will be to start my new life; to create a new routine for myself.
Thanks to the sale of my apartment in California, I have enough savings to secure myself a place to live, and now that I’m starting a new job, I’ll be able to afford the payments without my savings taking too big of a hit.
My independence is key, and being independent means having a space of my own to call home.
"What’s the rush? It’s nice having you here," Mom says, and I know she’s saying it because she thinks it’s what I want to hear, but it’s not. I won’t apologize for wanting to move out, but I am grateful that I would have a roof over my head, regardless.
I know many people don’t have that luxury.
"I’m thirty, mom. If I move back home, I’m at a standstill. I need my space and privacy, and I don’t need a curfew and I would like my bedroom door to remain firmly on its hinges," I joke, flinching at the memory of my teenage self without privacy, while she nudges me with her shoulder.
Taking a deep, shaky breath before she speaks, I sense her hesitation, and I smile to encourage her to say what’s on her mind. "Are you doing okay, honey?" Turning off the tap, I take my time to reflect on her question.
Am I okay?
The short answer isyes.
If you had asked me last week, before Megan’s wedding and the wholeincident, my answer would have immediately been no. If he left me because he just didn’t see a future with me anymore, that’d be a harder pill for me to swallow.Harder for me to just forget about him and move on.
But I went from feeling heartbroken to feeling instantly angry as soon as I learned about his three-year affair.
My anger surpassed any love I’d ever felt for him.
"I’m doing really great, mom," I tell her honestly. "It helps to be back home. Our relationship may have started here, but ourlifetogether didn’t. Sure, this place is full of memories, but they’re mostly at the high school, Katie’s Diner and Bridie’s. We were just kids. I’m glad I made the move back home." I can feel her cheeks swelling from her smile against the side of my head as she pulls me in for a hug.
"I’m so glad to hear it.”
"I’m going to shower and get some sleep." I turn to head for the stairs.
"Cassandra?" she calls my name and I pivot back to face her. "You don’t know how much love you have to give until you meet the person you’re meant to give all of your love to," she whispers.
"Love you, mom," I whisper back, careful not to let my voice crack as I wipe away the tears that are running down my cheeks.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I push my bedroom door shut, leaning against it to compose myself when I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face when I see his name, and I don’t feel guilty that his name alone brightened my mood instantly.
Harley:Herring. What are you up to?
Me:Not a lot, Wingrove. Just had dinner, about to shower and head to bed. You?
Harley:Up for a late-night milkshake with Bea and me?
I spend more time than needed staring at my phone before replying.
My mind instantly goes to Austin. My working for Harley and spending time with him off the clock would infuriate him.
But as quickly as that thought arrives in my head, I push it away with the reminder that he made his own bed. I don’t live my life to please him anymore, and I sure as hell won’t be worrying if he approves of my rekindled friendships.
Me:Didn’t get enough of seeing me today, huh?
Harley:Enough of Cassandra Herring? Never.
