But I pushed her away.
I let go of her hand when she reached for mine to comfort me.
I need advice, stat.
Me:Meet me at the football field.
Bea: On my way.
The icy chill reminds me that winter is well and truly approaching, and I’m cursing myself for not grabbing a jacket when I rushed out the door.
Waiting on the bleachers for Bea to arrive, I sit and remember all the memories attached to this place.
Good and bad.
Austin and I spent most of our time here. We trained together. Played football together. Bonded for years. He had no idea about his father’s infidelity until he was a teenager.
When he found out, he acted irrationally.
I can’t fault him for his actions back then.
But I will forever fault him and blame him for his actions as an adult.
"Hey, stud,” Bea says. Her voice is soft, and while I was expecting to hear it, she still somehow startles me.
"Hey,” I say, smiling weakly at my best friend.
"How’re you holding up?” She takes a seat next to me, body facing mine while she tucks one leg under the other.
"Fucking shit,” I reply, running a hand over my jaw.I desperately need a rational conversation. One that isn’t controlled by rage, and Bea is exactly the person for it.
"How could I not see it?” I whisper, willing my body to face hers.
"None of us did.” She sighs, reaching over to hold my hand in my lap.
"I know it happened seven years ago and I can’t go back and change it. I know that the Andersons have moved on from it all, but this is so new to me. So raw. It feels like I’m back in the hospital and Dr. Lindo is giving me the news again.”
"No one expects you to just get over it, Harley. Honestly, they’re probably surprised you didn’t just beat the shit out of Austin when you had the chance.” She chuckles to herself.
"I didn’t want to stoop to his level. His life is bad enough. I knew I needed to be the bigger person, but God, it would have felt good to break that mother fucker’s jaw,” I say, hoping it lightens the mood. "How’s Herring?” I ask, hesitantly.
"She feels guilty,” she confesses, squeezing my hand. I feel terrible that I made my girl feel like she’s at fault.She was just the messenger.
"She berated Max and Austin when you left, though. I think she’s been waiting a long time to put him in his place.” She lets out an obnoxious laugh."She told him that he was the 'scum of the earth’ and that he 'didn’t deserve to have a son as wonderful as Harley’. Oh, and she slapped Austin so hard, I’m surprised she didn’t break her wrist or knock out any teeth. It was pretty entertaining.”
That’s my girl.
"What are you going to do?” she asks, resting her head on my shoulder.
I got closure today. Closure I never expected to ever get and convinced myself I hadn’t needed. But I don’t want to dwell on that part of my life anymore. It consumed me for way too long, and I refuse to let it consume me any longer.
I want to move past it.
"I need time to move forward.” I take a breath, drying my clammy hands on my suit pants. I can’t move forward if I’m still stuck in the past, but it’s not going to happen overnight.
"Will you tell Herring that I need some time?”
"Anything for you.”
