“What do you want me to do?” he asked. “Give up the club? Get a regular job? That will kill me faster than anything else, Morgan.”
“I know. I don’t have the answer. I just... when I saw you being carried into the clubhouse, it all came rushing back.”
The bed shifted beside me and before I knew it, Jude was pulling me back against his chest. “One day at a time, baby. It’s all we can do.”
“I’m tired of living in fear.”
I turned in his arms and snuggled against his chest. My fingers traced over the scars, a constant reminder of what this life had done to him. Done to us.
“Justin waited until I was being released to tell me about the baby.”
“What?” I asked, looking up at him.
“I had asked him to watch over you; I wanted pictures. I wanted to see your belly growing over the months with our child—the child I had given everything up for so you and he could be safe.”
“There were no pictures,” I said.
“There were. He fabricated them. For six months he showed me pictures on his phone of you living your life. Your hand cradling our son.”
“That son of a bitch!” I cursed. “How could he do that?”
“Because he knew I’d give up. He knew that if he told me we had lost our son, I would have died. You and our baby were the only things keeping me alive. Making me fight.” He ran his fingers up and down my arm, and then across my stomach, which had started to poke out.
“When he finally told me the truth, I knew you were better off without me.”
“That’s not true,” I cried.
“It was. I needed you safe. I wanted you to move on without me holding you back.”
“Until you found out I tried.”
He snorted, and a rumble tore through his chest. “My point is, I thought I was being selfless. The truth was, I stayed away from you because I knew if I set my eyes on you again, I’d never be able to let you go.”
“So now you are being selfish?” I asked with a chuckle.
“Fuck yes. All my life I didn’t want to be like my father. It took seeing you again to realize I wasn’t anything like him. I didn’t want just any pussy; I wanted yours.”
“How romantic,” I said, rolling my eyes and trying to sit up, but Jude held me tighter against him.
“My father took and took and took. He always wanted more. Nothing ever satisfied him. I’m not like that. You satisfy me. You are the only thing I have ever taken for myself. I spent my life doing things for others, and the one time I found something for me, I got scared and thought I had to give it up to keep you safe. But I realize now the best way to keep you safe is to keep you here. With me. Surrounded by men who will give their lives for you and our baby. Death is inevitable, Morgan. We can’t stop it, no matter how hard we try. All we can do is make the best of the days we’re given.”
I knew he was right. I hated it, but I had to accept that one day, whether it was tomorrow or next year or fifty years from now, I would lose him. Our children would lose him.
This war wasn’t over. It had only just begun. There were still people out there trying to tear our lives apart. Wanting things that didn’t belong to them. Things they didn’t deserve.
None of the clubs were safe, nor were the children. I rubbed my hand over my stomach and breathed deeply, praying our baby wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire.
“Are you having second thoughts?” Jude asked. “About leaving when the baby is born?”
“No, leaving you would kill me. I just don’t know how to get past the fear.”
“I know someone who might be able to help?”
“Who?”
“Haizley Walker. She’s in Nebraska and she’s Gunner’s old lady. She’s a psychologist.”
“Maybe we could take a trip up there?”
