“Let me talk.” He rested his hands on my knees and the skin burned beneath the denim I wore. “I haven’t fucked Jenna, or any of the whores. I haven’t fucked a single woman other than you, since the day I saw you sitting in that coffee shop.”
He had alluded to that before, but I ignored it. I didn’t ask him to clarify because I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to know that he had been faithful when I hadn’t.
Logically speaking, I knew you couldn’t be unfaithful to someone who had died, but he wasn’t dead. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know that at the time. Part of the reason I hadn’t continued with Gunner, or been with anyone else, was because even though I believed he was dead, it felt like cheating because I loved him so much still.
Death didn’t make love just stop. If anything, it made it stronger. It made the pain harder to live with.
“We aren’t together, Jude. We aren’t married.”
“You are my fucking old lady, Morgan. Nothing is going to change that. I’m not my fucking father,” he growled.
“I never thought that,” I said softly. “But you are free to live your life however you want.”
“I choose to live it with you.”
I shook my head. “That’s not an option. Not anymore.”
I went to stand, but he held me in place. “I’m not done.” I nodded and waited for him to continue.
He rubbed a hand over his chest, and I remembered what he’d said about the phantom pain and it being worse when he was emotional. Before I could think about what I was doing, I grabbed his hand, pulling it into my lap.
He stared into my eyes, and I saw something there I couldn’t decipher. I saw everything that was there before: the pain, the guilt, the love. But there was something else. Something I couldn’t quite name.
Regret maybe.
Resignation.
Whatever it was hurt my heart. I didn’t want to see him like this. In an instant, it was gone. Replaced with something cold, hard.
“Smokey said you saw Jenna coming out of my room.”
I nodded.
“When?”
“About twenty minutes ago, right before I came downstairs.”
He nodded but didn’t explain. Then he stood up and moved around the table.
“Jude?” He looked at me over his shoulder. “What are we doing?” I asked. “Why are we torturing ourselves like this?”
Jude bowed his head before answering, “Having you here isn’t torture, Morgan. It’s salvation.” He took a deep breath and then turned fully toward me. “The day I saw you in Rosewood,the first day I went to watch over you and make sure you were okay, that was the day I came back to life.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Chasm
“Have you found her yet?”
“No, Prez. I’m not sure how she’s hiding. I sent Legacy to speak to her parents. They filed a missing person report with the local PD.”
“She’s sixteen fucking years old! Where the hell did she go?”
I slammed my hand on the table; none of the brothers said a word. I knew what they were thinking because I was thinking it too. I was just too damn afraid to say it out loud.
After B told me about my sister, I called Justin.
“Got something to tell you, and you ain’t gonna like it.”
