"When you told them you were gay," I said. The word felt strange in my mouth, like speaking someone else's language.
"Anticlimactic," he said. "Tyler said 'cool, man' and asked if I wanted to play FIFA. Jace nodded like it wasn't a big deal. Hale already knew."
"Nobody was weird about it?"
"Some guys wouldn't change next to me for a week. That passed." He shrugged. "I kept showing up. Kept being good at what I do. Eventually they got over themselves."
I nodded. Stared at the erg monitor going dark.
"Why are you asking?" Remy said.
"Just curious."
"Right." Remy snorted.
Silence. The river outside. A pipe groaning somewhere in the walls.
"I don't know why I'm asking," I said.
Which was closer to the truth—I hadn't planned this conversation. Hadn't rehearsed it. I'd come here to erg and empty my head and instead my mouth was doing things my brain hadn't approved.
"Yeah you do," Remy said. But he didn't push.
I looked at the door again. Still closed. Still just us.
"Look man, lying takes work," he said. "Physical work. You carry it in your body. I didn't realize how much until I put it down."
You carry it in your body.
My jaw. My shoulders. The way I scanned every room. The constant thinking of who knew what, who was watching, whether my face was doing something it shouldn't.
"Being a gay athlete is—"
"I'm not gay," I said.
It came out fast. Reflexive. Not angry. The way you'd saythat's not my nameif someone called you the wrong thing.
Remy paused.
"I'm bi."
The word hung in the air.
I couldn't believe I'd said it. Not here, not out loud, not to another person. Noah had offered me the word months ago in the dining hall and I'd shut him down.I don't like that word. It just is what it is.And now it was sitting between me and Remy in the quiet boathouse like I'd set it on the floor between us.
Two letters. One syllable. The biggest thing I'd ever said out loud.
Remy didn't flinch. Didn't make a face. Just took it in.
"My bad. Shouldn't have assumed."
"It's fine."
"Nah. I know better."
We sat there. Something had loosened in my chest. Not dramatic. Not a movie moment. Just a muscle releasing that I didn't know I'd been clenching.
"You good?" Remy asked.
