"That's not—"
"I know it's not enough. I know." I took a step closer. "But the version of me that's standing here right now is the version that's trying. I don't know if I can be different. I don't know if I can stop being scared. I don't want to be the person who called you a mistake. I don't want to be that guy, Liam."
Liam stared at me. His chest rising and falling. The flannel open at the collar, the green catching what little light reached us.
"That's not a promise," he said.
"No. It's not."
"It's barely even a plan."
"I know."
"You keep saying I know."
"Because I don't have anything better. I don't have a speech. I don't have a guarantee. I just have—" I held my hands out. Empty. Nothing in them. "This. Me."
Silence. The river. The bridge creaking under us.
Liam was quiet for a long time. Looking at me. Not with the anger from before. Not with forgiveness either. He was still deciding.
"I can carry you," I said.
The words came out quiet. Almost nothing. But they were the truest thing I'd ever said standing up.
Liam blinked.
"I'll carry you," I said again. "That's the answer to your mom's question. I want it to be me. I don't know if I'm strong enough yet. But I want to try. If you'll let me."
He didn't say anything. His eyes were bright and his fists were at his sides, he looked like a person standing on the edge of something, deciding whether to jump.
"You can't even carry yourself right now," he said.
"I know. But I'd rather try carrying both of us than stand on the other side of this bridge alone."
The silence stretched. I could hear my own heartbeat. Could hear his breathing. Could hear the river underneath us doing what rivers do—moving forward, regardless of what happened on the bridges above them.
"If I let you in again," he said. Slowly. "And you shut the door. I'm done, Alex. I won't come back."
"I know."
"Don't say I know.Hearit."
I heard it. The finality underneath. Not a threat. Just what he could survive. He'd come back twice. Brackett Lake. The dorm room. There wouldn't be a third.
"Liam, what I said when I was drunk was the real me." I looked him directly in his beautiful green eyes. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me." I paused. "And I hear you."
Everything stopped for a moment and Liam's face relaxed.
He let go of the railing. Took a step toward me. One step. Close enough that I could feel the warmth coming off his body despite the cold. Could smell the soap and the flannel fabric and underneath it, just him.
His hand came up. Slowly. Like he was giving me time to step back—time to calculate, to flinch, to shut the door the way I always did.
I didn't move.
His hand found the back of my neck. Fingers curling into the hair at my nape. Warm. Firm. Not pulling me in. Just holding.
I closed my eyes.
