Ashton gave a small shrug.“Sometimes.Not much detail.Just enough to make me curious.”
I sat staring at my fingers before reaching for my cup.My voice was little more than a whisper.“I didn’t think he saw me at all.Not really.I was always a little self-conscious around him.He was always so-self-assured, confident, larger than life.I didn’t always know how to act around him.”
Neither of us spoke for a moment, then Ashton leaned forward, voice softer.
“Finding out about him must’ve been...a shock.”
Oh, you could say that...I couldn’t hold back a nervous laugh.“Understatement.I went from grief to gay porn history in about five minutes.Then the dildo.Followed by the list.It felt like my whole idea of him cracked open.”
“And of yourself?”Ashton leaned forward, placing his hand over mine.
My cheeks burned.“Yeah.I mean, I was never really interested in girls, so I guess this wasn’t much of a self-revelation.My best friend is gay, but I’ve never even been to a gay bar.I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Ashton’s grin widened.Playful but kind.“Then tonight’s the night.Consider it research.Or initiation.Or just...fun.”
My mouth dropped open, making me look like a gaping fish.“You’re serious?”I was struggling to compute his words or my reaction to them.My pulse had spiked, and the feeling in my belly was now fizzing.Dread, excitement, attraction — it all hit me at once and left me reeling.His eyes seemed to soften before he gave me a wink.
“Deadly.You can’t write about love if you’ve never stepped into the places where it breathes.
Come with me.”
“Come with me.”I was pretty sure that Ashton didn’t mean the double entendre, but my brain had jumped on it, seized it and wasn’t letting go.
My dick twitched in my jeans, and I stamped down on the urge to adjust myself.Tight jeans were proving to have been a real mistake.Still, I wasn’t sure if Ashton was being serious or just offering to be nice?
My doubt felt like lead weighing me down.“What if I screw it up?”I said, avoiding his gaze.
“Then you’ll fit right in.Everyone’s screwing up.That’s half the fun.”Ashton did that thing with his eyes where I found myself transfixed and unable to say no.
Oh, what the hell, Ev would give his left nut to be in my shoes right now, and who knows-it could be fun.It would also mean spending longer with the man I’d been obsessing over.Driving me forward and feeling something that was beyond grief, beyond guilt, something alive, messy, and mine.
“Okay, you’re on.But I’ll need to leave before midnight to catch the last train home.”
“Well then, Cinderfella, follow me.”Ashton extended a hand towards me as he stood.The moment our fingers met, I felt a spark deep in my chest and let him lead the way.Our fingers still laced together.
ASHTON
I’d taken extra timeand care getting myself ready to meet Robbie.Gav’s teasing words that I was “dolling myself up for my hot date” did nothing to settle my jitters as I changed my shirt and tossed it on the bed, joining the other four.Finally, I settled on a baseball jersey that hugged my lean muscles like a second skin.After styling my hair and splashing on some cologne, I gave myself a last look-over.It wasn’t perfect, but it would have to do.I was already risking being late, and I still had to ride the subway to Waterloo Station.When Robbie’s BFF replied to my message instead of him, I felt pissed, hurt, and more than a little disappointed.But Evan had explained that Robbie had been struggling to come to terms with his attraction to me and was second-guessing himself.This thing with his dad had to be blowing his mind, and I could relate to that.Meeting up just made sense.In a way, it was closure for both of us, and who knows, it might launch a new beginning.
Waterloo Station was still crazy busy in the late afternoon with tourists and day-trippers alike.A moment’s doubt set in; I worried Robbie wasn’t here, or that I’d not noticed him and would walk on by.Recognising Robbie was easy; his gentle smile and his striking, sky-blue eyes immediately mesmerised me.He was standing under the central clock, looking uneasy as he scanned the crowd.
As soon as he spotted me, his shoulders relaxed, and a shy smile settled on his lips.Wow!His soulful gaze drew me in, almost as if he saw through my defences and straight into my heart.I couldn’t look away.My fingers itched to grab him and pull him into my arms.Instead, I stopped a few inches from him and just drank in the sight of him, filling my lungs with his scent.Before I could think of something cute to say, words were tumbling free from my mouth: “So, you’re the son.Robbie, I’m Ashton.It’s nice to meet you.Your dad used to tell me about you.”
As opening lines go, it wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t the worst either.I realised that for all of my past ‘hook-up experience’, none of those first meets ever felt so charged as this, or this crucial, or this right.Butterflies danced about in my belly, while my dick perked up.When he stepped closer, the urge to touch him was almost overwhelming.“Yeah.I thought...maybe we should meet.Talk.”
His nervousness, his honesty, his complete lack of ‘game’ was refreshing and cute as hell.I couldn’t help but smirk while gazing at his handsome face.What I’d learned from his father only sparked my interest before.Now it was a compulsion.I didn’t just want to know more; I needed to know more about him.And suggesting we talk more over coffee was the perfect excuse.
The smell of bittercoffee and sweet, greasy donuts filled the air as we talked for hours.He had a strong yet vulnerable vibe that drew me in.He was exactly as Rick had described, but somehow, even more so.I’d often wondered why Rick had shared such intimate details of his son’s life with me.Had he somehow seen that we’d be a perfect match?Was this his subtle nudge to fate?The thought brought a small, knowing smile to my lips.
Robbie, talking about his dad made me think of the man I chatted to, shared images with, and had grown to consider a friend.Reconciling the man I knew with Robbie’s memories of him was weird.I could see the effect recanting memories was having on him, and I gave in to my need to touch him.Threading my fingers through his and claiming his hand.An afternoon with him wasn’t long enough, so when he mentioned that he’d never been to a gay bar, I leaped at the chance to take him.Even if it was only for a few hours.
