It was my reaction.Seeing a naked man going down on a Barbie-lookalike.
My gaze should’ve been on her.But it was fixed on him, on the way his muscles flexed with each thrust.
I couldn’t look away.
A boy doesn’t forget the first time he watches porn...whether it’s straight or anything else.
There was also the time Dave found a box of condoms stuffed under the TV unit.
Whatever Dad’s more recent leanings, back then he was leaning toward women.
Me?What way was I leaning?
Who the hell knows?Not me, apparently.
I was so confused I didn’t know if I was coming or going.
That’s not strictly true.
I knew.
I was coming.Alot, and making a real mess.
I now understood why in all those teenage films, the guys had tube socks scattered on the floor.
That — and the amount of washing I was doing.
Evan had even commented on how much soap powder I was going through.Asking whether I was running a laundry service.
I’d joked it off, saying I’d had an accident, knocking a cup of tea over my sock drawer.
But the knowing smirk on his face and the evil glint in his eye said otherwise.
Whatever.
I’m a guy.I have needs.
And those needs seemed to be centred on my right hand — and the smoulderingly handsome hottie on the USB.
The days blurred intoone another.
I had one week left to go.
Freedom felt closer with each passing day — daunting, yet liberating.
No more timesheets.No more being at Hew’s beck and call.No more oppressive corporate culture.
Fuck.Was it too late to change my mind?
Was I seriously thinking of doing a U-turn?
Or was I just having a freak-out and getting cold feet?
Is this what they mean when they say people become institutionalised?
Surely, I was too young for that.
Since I got back from the office, I lost myself in thought, muttering to myself as I stuffed another load of washing into the machine.
