I felt like I was coming apart in slow motion.
The office was more or less deserted these days, since the company had embraced hybrid working.Not because it was a benefit for the staff, but more like it saved money on running costs.
Today, I was glad to be alone.No one witnessed my meltdown.No one to see what I was sure would be the end of my career.
Clicking on my web-phone app, I dialled Evan’s number and waited until I heard his voice through my earbuds.
“I’m guessing that if you’re calling me from work, then your boss isn’t there?”
Evan’s light-hearted comment was spot on.There was no way I would’ve kept it together if Hew had been sitting at his desk, glaring at me.
“He’s not.And...I’m resigning.”
“What’s that fucker done now?”Evan’s Welsh lilt sounded more pronounced over the phone.
“It’s not really him this time.It’s me.And sort of him.If he’d done his job as my supervisor, then maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad.”
“Robbie, babe, what have I said about being dramatic?Hmmm?That it’s my job.You’re the level-headed one.Now tell Auntie Ev what’s the matter.”
I took a deep breath and stared at Hew’s empty desk before confessing.
“So let me get this straight.You forgot to delete an old report from the template document that went out to the CEO?”
“Yep.That’s about the size of it.If Hew had checked the document beforehand, he could’ve caught the error...”
“But he didn’t bother,” Evan said, finishing my sentence.
“No, he didn’t.That would’ve been too much effort.”
“You’re just going to up and resign over a mistake?”
I imagined his confused expression — the one I’d joked made him look constipated.Except I was far from feeling light-hearted.
The more I thought about my cock-up, the more convinced I was that I had to resign.
Sighing, I tried to explain again.
“It’s not the first time I’ve forgotten to delete an old report.That time it got caught before any real damage was done.There’s no way Hew’s going to stick his neck out for me.He’ll throw me under the bus to save face.I’m resigning before he can fire me.”
My hammering pulse was easing.But the feeling that this was inevitable remained.
“Maybe he won’t.Maybe you’re overreacting?”
I knew Evan meant well.And yes, I had a tendency to over-think things.But my churning gut was telling me otherwise.
Right now, I was one hundred percent sure Hew was trying to save face — by blaming the fuck-up on his incompetent assistant.
Which was me.
Nope, I’d had it with double standards.The company’s manipulative tactics.Their relentless training aimed to mould us into perfect, loyal, unquestioning minions.Using their corporate coercive control.
It was too much.
Pushing my thoughts aside, I answered Ev’s question.
“Maybe.And I might regret it.But...I just can’t swallow any more of this place’s bullshit.It’s choking me.Like the light inside me is dimming a little more each day.”
“Well, that’s descriptive.Not to mention depressing.I’m sorry, babe.I was wishfully thinking things would work out.That you’d stick it out.But I think you’re right — your boss is throwing you to the wolves.”
