“Had,” he corrects.
The door creaks, and Raymond sticks his head in, looking around. When he sees me on the floor, a crumpled tearful mess, his eyes widen, and he flings the door open, jogging across thedance floor to meet me in the middle. He falls to his knees, and his hand reaches out to squeeze the one resting in my lap.
“Is this really how it ends?”
What I wouldn’t give to know what he’s doing right now. To see if he’s pacing, running his hands through his hair. To see if he looks as tattered and torn as I feel inside. What I wouldn’t give to have any indication, any inkling that this is killing him as much as it kills me.
“What do you want me to say, Magnolia? I’m not going to fight with you anymore. I’m not going to beg you to be with me if that’s not what you want.”
“I never said that. I just said we need a break.”
“Haven’t the last few years been a break? We don’t see each other, we barely talk as it is.” He pauses and it sounds like he kicks something, or maybe trips over something. A can, a barrel, something loud rolls across the concrete. “You’re right,” he says. “This isn’t worth the fight.”
My lower lip wobbles. “Ten years of us, and this is how it ends?”
“It’s what it sounds like.” His voice is cold, flat. Empty. Nothing like the boy I fell in love with as a teenager. Nothing like the man who spent his last few days before boot camp with me, whispering promises of a life together. The man on the other end of the line is nothing but a stranger.
I look up at Raymond, my eyes pleading with him for help, for an answer.
His eyes water, and he tilts his head to the side, forcing a smile as he squeezes my sweaty palm in his hand. “I think it’s time to say goodbye, honey.”
I nod at that, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth and biting down, forcing myself to say what needs to be said, knowing that the next words that come out of my mouth will belife changing. I’ll enter the next era of my life … the one without Lukas.
“Goodbye, Lukas.”
CHAPTER 34
Magnolia
“Hey, you’ve reached Lukas. Leave a message.”
“Hey, Lukas, it’s me. It’s been a while. Um … I guess, I don’t know what to say. Or why I’m even calling, really. After we last talked, I was really mad, and I think that held me over for a while. But now, I’m just sad, and I think … I think you are, too. I just think it’s too hard right now—me in France and you in California. I think we just need to meet in person. We need to talk things through when we can’t run from it, you know? Even if it’s hard, we just need to hash it out. I’ll come see you whenever, I’ll make it work. I’m not ready to give up on us if you aren’t. Call me please, if you want to talk, okay?”
CHAPTER 35
Magnolia
“Hey, you’ve reached Lukas. Leave a message.”
“Hey, Lukas, me again. I’ve been thinking of you a lot. Harper sent me a message; she said that you spoke with your family and you’ll be home in time for Christmas. I’m really happy to hear that. I hope being around your family every day helps you. I hope it heals something in you. I still care about you, Lukas. I love you, you’ve got to believe that. I can’t just shut off that part of me. It’s just that I’m worried about you. Please call me. Anytime, okay?”
CHAPTER 36
Magnolia
“Hey, you’ve reached Lukas. Leave a message.”
“Hey, Lukas. Me again. Just wanted to try, I guess, to call. To see if you’d answer. I know I said a lot of not nice things, and so did you. But we’re better than that. We’re more than that. Aren’t we? Please call me back. I want to work on this. Us. We knew this all would be hard and it would hurt like hell, but I’m your girl, aren’t I?”
CHAPTER 37
Lukas
Through bloodshot eyes, I stare over at the horizon. The last flecks of orange sun are lowering over the water, the blackness of night taking over. Stars are sprinkled in the sky, and I tilt my head back, searching through the stars for something I recognize.
My time in California, and in the military in general, is soon coming to an end. I’m headed back to Copper Ridge, to a life on the farm.
I’m excited to see my family, I guess, to catch up on everything I’ve missed.
