He was still trying to accept the horrid fact that Vairik had manipulated his mind for nearly a century. He’d had so many people in his head, each changing what he knew and perceived. He knew he’d done horrible things, he’d accepted that about himself, but what else had Vairik done? How many of the rumors weren’t rumors at all? Had he crossed lines he never believed himself capable? Rion’s stomach soured. He clenched his fists and stopped walking, then looked down to stare at his open palm. How many people had he really killed? Had Vairik stolen his memories as well?
“What is it?” Talon asked from beside him.
“I’m not sure I even know who I am anymore.” Was that how Arianna was feeling? “How—” His jaw flexed. “How do I know any of the decisions I’ve made in the course of my life were even my own?” How many times had he experienced unprovoked anger? How many times had he acted on it without caring about the consequences? How many times had he sat with the guilt, wondering why he’d done such a thing?
Neither male moved for a long while. A bird flew overhead, then landed on a branch before jumping away again. Such freedom.
“I used to think you were nothing more than a monster,” Talon started. “The things you did. The stories we heard.” He shook his head. “When Arianna nearly took my head off for saying you deserved to die, I thought that maybe shewas experiencing some sort of psychosis. Nothing made sense anymore.”
“Nothing makes sense now.”
Talon gave a mirthless chuckle. “You’re right, but at least we have some explanations. We can work through the details after we win the war. Maybe Lady Eimear can give you some insight, too.”
“She’s not taking off her iron just for my sake.”
“I don’t need to be a seer to know she won’t keep that bracelet on forever. Nor to understand that she won’t sit by while everyone else fights. Even in Móirín, we still talk about her like a legend. She and Lillian are both quite the inspiration for the female younglings.”
Rion’s shoulders sagged. He didn’t want to think about his mother on a battlefield again. She’d fought enough.
“I wish she’d just sit this one out.” Rion refused to even consider a world where Lady Eimear wasn’t alive. His heart couldn’t bear it. Not after years upon years of wondering the exact same thing.
“I wish Arianna would do the same, but alas, we seem to have surrounded ourselves with stubborn females. If Ellie comes around before the fighting begins, you can bet she’ll be the first at Arianna’s side.”
“Ellie isnotfighting.”
Talon smirked, but Rion could see the sadness he tried to hide beneath it. “I look forward to seeing you tellherthat.”
Rion swallowed hard. “She’ll welcome death too quickly. I’m not letting her fight in a war when she’ll only try to get herself killed.”
Talon’s smirk vanished entirely. His jaw worked, but instead of replying, he turned away.
They walked in silence until Rion finally approached the first of three creatures he’d captured with his magic. Hewrapped the grains around the animal’s frantic body, feeling its heart racing as his cocoon melted away. Just as he’d thought, a rabbit. Rion didn’t dwell on the creature long before ending its suffering. He stuffed the limp body into his satchel and moved on to the next.
Talon, apparently, couldn’t bear silence long. “Do you think Arianna’s mind will ease once we get to Nàdair?”
Rion wasn’t sure why Talon asked when the answer was obvious. Maybe he just needed the conversation to keep himself from spiraling. Rion’s thoughts were certainly deep enough to drown in.
“Only after she has us all placed in iron. Alec will convince her Saoirse isn’t a threat, but I’m afraid she’ll demand he lock me in the dungeons.”
Talon grimaced. “You won’t let that happen though, right?”
“Of course not. Saoirse wouldn’t allow it, either.” Rion’s jaw clenched again.Stop thinking about your mother. Stop, stop, stop.
They paused at a large sphere and Rion restrained the animal within it before letting the structure dissolve. Rocks fell to the earth like rain, rolling across one another. He’d hoped to have found a deer, but instead a beast with a similar body, large brown eyes, pointed ears, and spiraling horns stared back at them.
It had been fearful moments ago. Now its heart was slowing, as if Rion’s presence gave The Guardian peace of mind. He wished he knew how to transfer that feeling to Arianna.
“By the gods, what is that?” Talon exclaimed, staring wide-eyed into the creature’s intelligent eyes. All three of them. Rion supposed it was enough to unnerve most. Not to mention the pale white skin without a hint of fur.
Rion carefully let his magic fall away. The beast remained still, eyes locked with Rion’s. “One of the many creatures everyone feared would eventually devour them.”
“That little thing?”
Maybe Talon wasn’t as pensive as Rion had first assumed. He chuckled. “Oh, there are much bigger ones, don’t worry.”
Talon glanced through the ominous trees surrounding them, his hand suddenly on the hilt of his dagger. “Will they pay us a visit before we set out?”
Rion shrugged. “Depends on them. I admit, I’m surprised the central Guardian hasn’t greeted us. He’s usually the first to arrive when someone new enters his territory.”
