‘I went out to the stockman’s grave. I wanted some time alone to think about Cameron. With the funeral tomorrow, everyone’s going to be talking about him –’ She looked down. ‘I feel like Cam – the Cameron that I knew – could get lost in all this. Do you know what I mean?’
Nathan nodded. They might be burying Cameron tomorrow, but he realised part of him still half expected his brother to appear around the corner. It was almost unbelievable that the man he had grown up with and fought with and loved in his own way wasn’t there anymore. That the deep hole outside could be for Cameron.
‘Yeah,’ he said finally. He looked at Ilse, with her eyes heavy above her dust-stained collar. ‘I know what you mean.’
Chapter 27
Xander’s bedroom door was shut.
Nathan knocked. ‘Can I come in?’
No response. He waited, then opened the door anyway. His son was lying on the bed, reading. Xander barely looked up.
‘You’re back.’
Nathan sat on the end of the bed. ‘Sorry I was so long.’
Xander stared at the page, his eyes unmoving, then dropped his book on his chest. ‘Did you do your test?’ His voice was not friendly.
‘Yes.’
‘And could you see the flags from the road?’
Two out of three. ‘Not every time.’
‘So what does that mean?’
‘I don’t know.’
Xander flopped back and picked up his book again.
‘Grandma said you were worried.’
No answer.
‘I really am sorry, mate.’
Xander stared at the page. Nathan waited as long as he could, but this time he broke the silence himself.
‘I didn’t mean to –’
‘It’s fine.’ Xander turned a page.
‘It’s not, though, is it? Not if you’re unhappy.’
No response.
‘Xand –’
Xander made a frustrated noise. ‘What do you want me to say? I’m trying to read.’
‘I want to –’
‘What?’
‘I don’t know. Fix things.’
Xander turned another page. ‘Don’t worry about it. There’s no point arguing with you. Mum was right. You’re always like this.’
