‘Just, the way you’re telling it, it sounds like it’s impossible for anyone to say for sure what really went on.’
‘Then I’ve told it wrong.’
‘It’s not that –’ Xander stopped. ‘But two people can remember different versions of something and both think it’s the truth.’
‘Can they?’
‘Yeah. Of course. You and mum do it all the time.’
‘Hardly the same thing, mate.’
‘I know. I’m just saying it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks they saw, or what Jenna should’ve done. Only two people were actually there and –’
Xander stopped. He didn’t finish his thought out loud but he didn’t have to. Nathan knew what he was thinking. Only two people were there that night, and now one of them was dead.
Chapter 16
They blew a tyre an hour into the journey back.
‘Yep,’ Bub said, surveying the landscape with his hands on his hips as Nathan sweated over the jack with the afternoon sun searing his back. ‘It was near here that I got stuck, too. I remember those big rocks.’
‘Great. Would’ve been good if you’d seen them earlier,’ Nathan grunted as Xander hovered, trying to help but mostly getting in the way.
‘Yeah. Would’ve been. Didn’t though.’
‘Nope.’
In the heat, it took Nathan forty-five minutes and two litres of water to get them back on the road. They didn’t talk and the rest of the drive seemed longer for the silence. Whenever Nathan checked the rear-view mirror, Xander was staring out of the window, deep in thought.
The daylight was bleeding into evening by the time they pulled up outside the house. Dinner wasn’t far off and Nathan could hear the backpackers in the kitchen as he scrubbed the oil and grit from under his nails in the small bathroom off the hall. His hands as clean as he could get them, he wandered out, pausing when he saw a light under the door on his left. The office. Ilse’s office, now.
He heard a high voice and pushed the door open. Sophie and Lo were sprawled on the floor, with toys and books scattered around them. Lo was lying on her front, her sandy-blonde hair hiding her face as she made firm marks in a sketchbook. Sophie was cross-legged, struggling to play a handheld video game with one arm in her sling. They reminded Nathan suddenly of him and Cameron. They’d been best friends at that age, perhaps only through lack of choice, but nevertheless the outcome was the same. Both girls jumped when they saw Nathan.
‘You scared me,’ Sophie said. She hesitated. ‘I thought you were Mummy.’
‘No. Why? Are you not supposed to be in here?’
Nathan came into the office. It was well organised, with neat files and stacked paperwork on the desk. The year’s employment record lay on top, with Simon and Katy’s names the most recent additions. A large full-year wall calendar for the twelve months ahead was already carefully marked with dates for deliveries and crucial invoices and everything essential to a smooth-running operation. He ran his eyes over it.
‘Sophie’s supposed to be reading, not playing her game,’ Lo said, without looking up. ‘That’s why she was worried.’
‘I see.’ Something had been marked on the wall planner in red on a number of different dates. The words were written tentatively, and all had later been crossed off, with a black line scored through them.
‘Anyway, we have Mummy’s permission, so we are allowed in here,’ Sophie said, with authority. ‘Are you allowed?’
‘Hmm, I don’t know,’ Nathan said, still looking at the planner. In fact, the room did feel a bit off limits. Nathan and his brothers had never set foot in here when it had been their dad running the show.
‘He’s allowed.’ Ilse’s voice came from the doorway. She gave him a tired smile. ‘Dinner’s nearly ready. Start tidying up, girls.’
His hands might be clean, but as Ilse came into the room, Nathan felt suddenly very aware of his shirt dried stiff with sweat and the dust in his hair. He didn’t react, other than to move a subtle half-step away as she stopped next to him in front of the wall planner. Over the years, he’d found it was easier on himself if he maintained some physical space between them.
From time to time, Nathan had wondered if Cameron knew what had happened that once between him and Ilse. If so, he hadn’t heard about it from Nathan. Although Nathan had been tempted to tell him once or twice when Cam was being a dickhead. Cam might well have asked Ilse – he’d known Nathan had been interested back then – but the fact Nathan had never heard a word about it made him pretty sure his and Ilse’s shared secret had stayed a secret.
Nathan had done his part, keeping his mouth shut and keeping his distance ever since that first time he’d run into her in the kitchen of this house. It had been the first Christmas after his public banishment. There was no sign the festive season had put anyone in a forgiving mood, and Jacqui had dug her heels in and refused to send Xander for even a few days. Nathan would have been happy enough to lie in a dark room with a sheet over his head, but Liz had insisted he come to stay. In the end, she had worn him down until it was easier to give in than to argue. Weary from the effort and dusty from the drive over, he had gone into the kitchen in search of a beer and instead found Ilse.
When she had turned, water jug in hand, Nathan had honestly thought for one crazy and exhilarating moment that she was there to see him. The sight of Cameron walking through the kitchen door and right up to her had been like a gut punch that had taken Nathan’s breath away.
‘You two have introduced yourselves?’ Cameron had said, and Nathan thought his brother had actually winked at him. Head reeling, Nathan had barely been able to nod. He had sat mute during dinner as the rest of the family chatted to Cameron’s new girlfriend. Attempts to draw Nathan into the conversation had been met with grunts. He hadn’t trusted himself to speak.
