‘Cameron hurt her,’ Nathan said. ‘Ilse told me last night.’
Xander didn’t reply for a long time. ‘Sophie’s just a kid,’ he said finally. ‘How could he do that?’
‘I don’t know, mate.’
‘Do you think Cameron felt bad about it?’
‘I hope so.’
‘Maybe that explains why he left his car.’
‘Yeah. Maybe it does.’
‘Are the girls okay?’
Nathan could hear voices down the hall and thought about Cameron buried outside. ‘I think so, right now, anyway. Why don’t you come and join in?’
He stood up.
‘Dad –?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Sorry about the past couple of days.’ Xander threaded the bedcover between his fingers, the way he used to when he was young. ‘I was just worried.’
‘I know. I’m sorry too,’ Nathan said. ‘And look, you’re right. I’ve got an appointment with Steve. And I’ll have a think – a proper one – about some changes. I can’t promise I’m going to move away, mate –’
Xander looked disappointed, but Nathan wanted to be honest. And it was true. He couldn’t simply leave, for lots of reasons. Financial. Practical. And not least because sometimes, quite a lot of the time, he felt connected to the outback in a way that he loved. There was something about the brutal heat when the sun was high in the sky and he was watching the slow meandering movement of the herds. Looking out over the wide-open plains and seeing the changing colours in the dust. It was the only time when he felt something close to happiness. If Xander couldn’t feel it himself, and Nathan knew not everyone could, then he couldn’t explain it. It was harsh and unforgiving, but it felt like home.
‘Things will be better, though, I promise.’ Nathan reached out and put his arms around his boy. Xander hugged him back. ‘You can trust me.’
‘Yeah. I know.’
They pulled apart and Nathan left Xander to get up and dressed. Out in the hall, he could still hear chatter coming from the living room. It was a nice sound. He started towards it, then stopped at the sight of the landline phone. He glanced back at Xander’s room, then without thinking too hard about it, he walked over and dialled a number. It had been a while and he got it wrong the first time. He tried again.
‘Hello?’ The voice was both familiar and that of a stranger.
‘Jacqui? It’s Nathan.’
There was a confused pause, then: ‘Has something happened to Xander?’
‘No, he’s fine.’ He heard her breathe out in relief. ‘I wanted to talk to you, actually.’
‘Oh.’ Another pause. ‘Okay.’ She sounded surprised, but not nearly as hostile as he remembered. She sounded different from the way she did in her emails or through her lawyer.
‘Listen, Jacqui, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for abandoning your dad. Whatever had happened between me and you, it was a terrible thing to do and if I could go back and change it, I would.’
‘Oh.’ An even longer pause. ‘Thank you.’
‘And I’m sorry I wasn’t what you needed, for you or for Xander.’
He expected the silence this time and waited.
‘You’ve always given Xander what he needed,’ Jacqui said finally. He heard her take a breath. ‘Sorry, Nathan, I have to ask, is it skin cancer? Have you had a bad result?’
‘What? No.’
‘Then what’s brought this on?’
