‘What did she say?’
‘Nothing at first. She seemed to think I was talking about typical marriage spats. I don’t know if she honestly didn’t get it, or if she deliberately wouldn’t. So I tried again. And that time –’ Ilse stopped. ‘That time, she got annoyed. Told me this property was hard enough to run and I should be supporting Cameron, not picking fights. I was scared she would tell him what I’d said, and that would’ve made it so much worse. I never brought it up again.’
Nathan was quiet again, for longer this time as his mind ran back through the years, remembering all sorts of things. Finally, he took a breath.
‘Our dad –’ he started, then stopped, not sure how to go on.
Ilse waited. ‘I know,’ she said when he didn’t continue. ‘Cameron told me how bad he was.’
‘Did he?’ Nathan was genuinely surprised. He had never told anyone. Not Jacqui, not Xander. Not Bub and not Cameron. He and his brothers had never talked about it, not once in their whole adult lives.
‘Cameron thought he could be different,’ Ilse said. ‘I do think he wanted to be a good dad and a good husband. And he could be great, he really could, but then he would turn. It could be over nothing.He became someone else. For a long time, I was worried about him and then one day I woke up and realised I was scared of him.’
Nathan looked at her.
‘The funny thing is, I think he knew it before I did.’ She shook her head. ‘I was already too late. He’d chipped away at everything over the years. I have nothing of my own out here. Our bank account isn’t even in my name, did you know that? He checked all the statements, had to approve every transaction.’ She glanced in the direction of the garages. ‘Did you find anything wrong with my car?’
‘No. Nothing.’
‘I think Cameron used to sabotage it.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Not often, but getting stuck out there once or twice was enough. He knew how to do it too, so I’d get a few kilometres before it would drop out. Like last year, I was stuck for nearly five hours, waiting for him to come and drag me home like an animal. I couldn’t trust the car, and if I couldn’t trust it, he knew I couldn’t drive it. And I couldn’t take the girls away in it.’
Ilse lay back again. The stars were growing fainter now.
‘Not that we’d get far anyway,’ she said. ‘My passport has expired. Neither of the girls even has one. He’d taken my driving licence and residency documents, in theory to file away, but when I wanted them, I couldn’t find them. I haven’t had a paid job since I worked in the pub. I don’t have any family in this country, no real friends. And people around here liked Cameron. If they had to choose a side, it wouldn’t be mine.’ Ilse turned her head. ‘Just ask Jenna Moore.’
‘What about Glenn? He’s a good bloke. He could have protected you.’
‘How?’ Ilse’s gaze was serious and Nathan realised she was really asking. ‘How is he going to protect me from my husband in the next room? He’s three hours away in the police station on a good day. Do you know what an angry person can do in three hours?’
Nathan said nothing. He did, actually.
‘There are accidents just waiting to happen around here,’ she said. ‘Maybe next time it’s me who falls from my horse, but instead of breaking my arm, I break my neck. Or I get my hand ripped off in machinery. Or get backed over by one of the cars. Or Sophie does, or Lo.’
Nathan thought about that, then had to stop thinking about it.
‘Things had been getting worse these last few months,’ Ilse went on. ‘Since he found out that Jenna called, in hindsight. I’d made an emergency plan, in case I had to leave in a hurry. I started collecting cash, anything small I could get my hands on. I put aside some things for the girls, clothes and toys. Not enough that Cameron would notice, but then Lo made a fuss and I had to put most of them back. So I concentrated on trying to find some of the most important documents, the girls’ birth certificates, my proof of residency, things like that. When I had a few things together I’d drive out and hide them.’
Nathan pictured her kneeling under the blazing sun by the headstone at the stockman’s grave, turning the soil.
‘You hid them at the grave?’
‘It’s on the way to town, but far enough away from here that I felt a bit safer. If Cameron had found out –’ She stopped. ‘Anyway. I wrapped everything in a plastic envelope and buried it.’
‘So what happened?’
‘Cameron hurt Sophie. That was the final straw. Or I thought it was, at least. I’d always told myself it was one thing when it was between me and him, but when it came to the girls –’ She sat up. ‘The next morning, I put Sophie and Lo in the workers’ car. I didn’t tell anyone we were going, didn’t pack anything. But reality sank in on the way. I hadn’t saved nearly enough money. The fuel alone to get anywhere from here is bad enough, and I’d have to pay for accommodation, food, clothes for the girls to replace what we’d left. Legal fees, maybe? I didn’t have anything like enough for long-term survival.’ She looked out at the far horizon, visible now against the encroaching dawn.
‘So you came back?’
‘It was terrible. I hated myself for it. I just stood beside that stupid grave. I didn’t even bother to dig up the envelope in the end. I put the girls back in the car. It was the longest drive of my life. The girls were confused. I couldn’t think what to tell them.’ She shook her head. ‘After that I started grabbing whatever I needed as fast as I could.’
She shook her head.
‘Cameron noticed. I’m sure of it. He was always around, I couldn’t get out of his sight. Harry had to practically order him to go and fix that mast on Lehmann’s Hill, Cam had been putting it off so long. On that last morning, when Cam pulled over on the driveway before he left –’
