‘Look, Luke stuck to his guns – stuck by you, really – for twenty years,’ she said, quieter now. ‘That’s more or less the only thing standing between you and a whole lot of problems round here. So a word to the wise, I’d be making sure I was singing pretty loud and long from the same song sheet.’
As they rounded the corner at the bottom of the hill, Aaron couldn’t believe it, then immediately could believe it. Luke was lounging on a rock, in perfect health, with a grin on his face and a cigarette in one hand.
‘Hey,’ he laughed. ‘What took you guys so long, you –’
Aaron lunged at him.
‘Jesus, Gretchen, I am,’ Falk said, trying to keep his tone light. But her message was clear. Don’t ask, don’t tell. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
They stared at each other for a moment. Then Gretchen sat back in her seat and smiled at him, properly. ‘Good. No reason at all. I just want to make sure you’re being sensible. Better safe than sorry.’ She lifted her wineglass, realised it was empty, and put it down. Falk drained his own and went to the bar for two more.
‘If everyone was so sure about me,’ he said, when he returned, ‘I’m surprised they didn’t run Luke out of town as well.’
Gretchen took the glass, her smile fading.
‘Some tried, you know. At first,’ she said. ‘Pretty hard. But you know how Luke was, he brazened it out. He didn’t wobble, didn’t waver. Eventually they kind of accepted it. They pretty much had to.’
She glanced around the pub again. Fewer faces were watching now.
‘Look, if they’re honest with themselves, most people know Ellie killed herself. She was a sixteen-year-old girl who needed support that she obviously didn’t get, and yeah, we should all feel guilty about that. But people don’t generally like feeling guilty, and ultimately it was your name on the note. There never really was an explanation for that –’ She paused and raised her eyebrows slightly.
Falk gave a tiny shake of his head. He couldn’t explain it then, he couldn’t explain it now. He had racked his brain over the years. Reliving his last conversations with Ellie, trying to decipher a message or a meaning. To her, he had been Aaron, not Falk. What had been going through her mind when she wrote it? Sometimes he wasn’t sure what disturbed him more: the trouble it had caused, or the fact he’d never know the reason why.
‘Well,’ Gretchen said. ‘It doesn’t really matter. She was thinking about you in some way around the time she died, and for anyone looking to point the finger, it was enough. Like it or not, Luke was a big character, he was involved in the community. He became a bit of a leader in this town, and we couldn’t afford to lose many of them. I think by and large people just chose to put it out of their minds.’
She shrugged. ‘It’s the same reason everyone round here puts up with morons like Dow and Deacon. It’s Kiewarra. It’s tough. But we’re all in it together. You were gone, Luke stayed. You got the blame.’
Aaron lunged at him and Luke stepped back.
‘Watch it,’ he said as Aaron grabbed his shoulders. They stumbled, falling backwards to the ground. They landed with a thud and Luke’s cigarette rolled out of his fingers. Ellie stepped over and ground it out.
‘Watch the sparks, will you? You’ve already managed to scare them, try not to burn us all to death as well.’
Aaron, pinning Luke under his own weight, felt him bristle at her tone. It was one he’d heard her use on farm animals.
‘Jesus, Ellie, what’s crawled up your arse? You can’t take a joke all of a sudden?’ Luke aimed for light-hearted bravado, fell short. Aaron could smell the alcohol in his sweat.
‘Did no-one tell you?’ Ellie snapped. ‘A joke’s supposed to be funny.’
‘Christ, what the hell’s wrong with you these days? You don’t like a drink, don’t like a laugh. You hardly come out, you’re always working at that stupid shop. You’re so boring now, Ellie, maybe you and Aaron should just get together and be done with it. Perfectly bloody suited.’
Boring. As the word landed, Aaron felt like Luke had hit him. He stared at his friend in disbelief, then grabbed the front of his shirt and pushed him away so hard Luke’s head hit the ground with a smack. He rolled away from Luke, his breathing ragged, not trusting himself to look over.
Ellie stared down at Luke sprawled in the dust, her face showing something worse than anger. Pity. All around, everything seemed still.
‘That’s what you think?’ She stood over him. ‘You think your friends are boring because they’re loyal to you? Because they show some sense once in a while? The only joke round here is you, Luke. The fact you think it’s OK to use people for your own amusement.’
‘Get stuffed. I don’t.’
‘You do,’ Ellie went on. ‘You do it to all of us. Me. Aaron. Your girlfriend over there. You think it’s normal to frighten the people who care about you? To play people off against each other?’ She shook her head. ‘And to you it’s all just a big game. That’s the scariest thing about you.’
No-one said anything for a long moment. The words hung between them in the air like mist as each of the four avoided looking at the others. Ellie moved first, turning sharply, and without a second glance, she walked off. Luke and Aaron stared after her from the ground, then clambered to their feet. Aaron still couldn’t bring himself to look at Luke.
‘Bitch,’ he heard Luke mutter at Ellie’s back.
‘Hey. Don’t you call her that,’ Aaron said, his voice sharp.
Ahead, Ellie gave no sign whether she’d heard either of them and continued walking at a steady pace. Luke turned and flung his arm around Gretchen, whose sobs had been stunned into silence.
