“It’s definitely not a date,” Trinity assured, just short of laughing. “I’m just helping him with a project.” She didn’t like the look her friend gave her. “Seriously. I haven’t dated since…” She cut that thought completely off. It wasn’t even necessary to complete the sentence. They both knew where it was going. “Do you and Holden have plans tonight? How’s newlywedded bliss treating you?”
“Well, he just texted saying he’s got dinner in the oven and a load of laundry in the washer, so I’d say things are going pretty great,” Rachel replied, beaming just as brightly when she spoke of her new husband now as she had on that beautiful summer day when she’d recited her vows during their quaint church wedding. They were the most adorable, loving couple, and something about their happiness reminded Trinity of those fresh, exhilarating new days of her own marriage. They had been some of the best moments of her entire life.
“It’s so wonderful to see the two of you so happy.” Trinity opened her passenger door to settle the bouquet into the seat for safekeeping. “You both deserve true love.”
“We all deserve it,” Rachel said, peering over the top of her vehicle. She looked directly at her friend. “You do, too.”
I had it, Trinity wanted to say, but didn’t let that truth slip from her lips. The one-year anniversary of Calvin’s death was fast approaching, but she didn’t feel any closer to letting go of the pain.
Trinity forced a smile to mask her inner thoughts. A “thank you,” was all she could muster before sliding into her driver’s seat and shutting the door. As the engine hummed to life, memories of her late husband filled her mind like a floodgate opening. His laugh. His crooked grin. The way she would catch him making faces at their children at the dinner table when she wasn’t looking, just to get a giggle out of them. For so long, recalling these moments would bring a sharp pain to Trinity’s chest, but today, that sensation felt a little more dulled, a little less consuming. Healing was a journey, and she was on the right path.
Moments later, she pulled out of the parking lot, taking the familiar route toward her parents’ place to gather Liam and Mia. The winding roads were lined with trees painted in the warm, rich hues of autumn. She loved this time of year, right before the cold set in and stayed for months on end. She didn’t mind the snow. If she had, Snowdrift certainly wasn’t the place to live. But she appreciated the few months out of the year where the ground wasn’t layered in patches of white. To some, fall was an ending, but for Trinity, it had always felt like a beginning.
And that might have had to do with the fact that she’d met Calvin in the fall, during their first semester as young college students.
Her fixation on her husband today puzzled Trinity. Some days, she could go until lunchtime before his memory even crossed her mind. Honestly, those were the days when her guilt crept in the strongest. But her mornings were busy. Waking thekids, getting them fed and out the door to head to preschool and kindergarten before rushing over to Joyful Blooms to open up the shop for the day—it was a lot. With the shop bustling with orders and bouquets to be made, there was barely a moment for her to catch her breath. It wasn’t that Calvin was out of sight, out of mind; rather, her mind was simply too crowded with the day’s tasks and responsibilities to dwell on memories of him.
But today was different. He was all she could think about, the only voice she could hear in her ear. Sometimes, she felt him watching over her, but today, she felt like he was standing right by her side.
How could she comfortably go to Spencer’s house for dinner with the presence of her late husband’s memory so heavy around her?
She was already leaning towards canceling. It seemed like the simplest solution. Excuses were easy to come up with; she could blame it on Mia’s costume or say that Liam wasn’t feeling well. It wouldn’t exactly be a lie considering his allergies had been acting up that morning. Pulling into her parents’ driveway, she was almost convinced. All she needed to do was send Spencer a quick apology text after she got the kids settled in the car.
But then Mia came bounding down the steps of the cabin, the same home where Trinity had spent her own childhood, and the same staircase where she’d taken a tumble around Mia’s age. Thankfully, her daughter possessed more grace and landed safely on each step, unlike Trinity, whose misadventure ended in an arm cast. “Mommy!” Mia exclaimed, excitement bubbling over. “We’re so excited to have a picnic! And look, Grandma gave me a bag of carrots for the horses. Do you think we’ll get a chance to see them?”
Mia had one hand shoved into the sleeve of her puffy pink coat, the other clinging to a Ziploc bag filled with a bunch of baby carrots.
“About that, sweetie, I was thinking we might skip the picnic and stay in at our place tonight. Maybe order a pizza and watch that new Princess Pippa movie that came out. How does that sound?”
“What?” Mia dropped the plastic bag, and Jennifer, Trinity’s mother, bent down to retrieve it for her granddaughter. “I thought you said we were going to Spencer’s.”
“I had said that, but I don’t know…doesn’t pizza and a movie sound fun?”
Joe, Trinity’s dad came up behind them, Liam tucked on his hip even though the boy had been able to walk for a couple of years now. Liam would always be the baby of the family, Trinity supposed. “The picnic is all they’ve been talking about since we picked them up from school, Trin,” he said, giving Liam a bounce when the young boy giggled.
Trinity figured they would be excited about a picnic, but she’d hoped her alternate option would appease them. Because she didn’t have it in her to spend an evening with Spencer, not when she’d been thinking about Calvin all afternoon. Something just didn’t feel right.
But one look into her daughter’s big doe eyes, and then a glance at her happy son’s cherub face, and she decided she really didn’t have it in her to letthemdown. Not tonight.
“Okay. We can do the picnic,” she relented, shoulders sinking.
“Yay!” Mia screamed, her younger brother echoing her gleeful shout. Even Trinity’s mother and father joined in the celebration.
“Let’s get you both into the car.” She led the way, her parents and children bringing up the rear. But her mother gently pulled Trinity aside with a touch of her elbow once they’d reach the vehicle.
“Hey.” Her voice was hardly above a whisper. “Is there a reason you wanted to change plans?”
With her dad busy getting Liam and Mia situated, Trinity took the quiet moment to speak with her mother out of earshot. “I don’t know. Today was a hard day, grief-wise.”
“And you think spending time with Spencer would make things harder?” She paused. “Is it a date?”
This was the second person to ask Trinity this today. “No, it’s not a date.” She was sure of that. He merely needed a little decorating direction. “But I…I don’t want to confuse the kids.”
“They’re just excited for a picnic. And, of course, Mia is hoping to see the horses.”
“Of course, she is.” Trinity chuckled. She knew her daughter.
“But if you need time to yourself tonight, your father and I can keep the kids for dinner. We’d be happy to. You decide.”
