“Because forfeiting my chance felt like the right thing to do so you could live out your dream.”
How had she never known? And why hadn’t he told her this sooner?
His eyes remained fixed ahead.
“Why would you give up so much for me?” Her voice shook with emotion.
“Because I loved you,” he said simply. “I didn’t know that’s what it was back then. I just knew that you deserved to win without me challenging you on it.” His eyes pulled toward hers. “For once.”
The only thing she cared about right now was winning the heart of the man next to her. And yet, she knew she didn’t deserve it. Holden deserved someone who would stay by his side, no matter what. Not someone who latched onto dreams that would likely never come true.
Had Holden really been her dream come true all of this time? Her answered wish? The searing pain it brought to her chest was almost unbearable.
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“I’d love for you to say you’re not going to leave this time, but I think that would also break my heart in two.”
He slid his arm around her back and drew her to him. She lowered her head to his shoulder.
“So I’m not going to let you say that, even if you want to.”
She wanted to say that and so much more. But she didn’t, not only because he’d asked her not to, but because his lips landing on hers in a kiss stopped the words from falling. Stopped the thoughts from forming. All it did was draw her heart even closer to his.
He’d said it would break his heart if she stayed, but she knew it would break hers if she left.
Either way, it would end in heartache.
And for the first time, there would be no winner at all.
CHAPTER36
His running shoes crunched the ground as he jogged down the trail. Scout kept up so effortlessly, she seemed to float over the snow. It was barely above freezing outside, but Holden was heated with anger. Not toward Rachel. No, he was angry at himself for letting her walk away. A second time.
And not just letting her, but encouraging her. In fact, he’d given her no other option.
But that was how it had to be. Just as he couldn’t be the reason for Rachel missing her opportunity in the city the first time around, he couldn’t let himself be another roadblock to her goals. She deserved everything she ever wanted out of life.
He’d hoped that was him. And a piece of him knew it was. But a bigger piece knew her plan, and he just couldn’t see how he could fit into it.
After clocking five miles and soaking through his thermal undershirt, Holden called it quits on the run and headed back to the rental shop. He had a guided tour in thirty minutes, and while that was plenty of time to freshen up before he was needed on the back of a snowmobile, he also hoped to grab a snack.
That leftover béarnaise sauce was just as delicious as the first time he’d eaten it. But maybe it was the memories that made it so good. The company he’d shared it with.
He couldn’t escape her, even with her gone.
“What’s up, buddy?” Lance looked happier than ever. His date with Sarah the night before might’ve had a little to do with that. “Good run?”
Holden’s heart rate decelerated with his pace, but it still pounded in his ears. “Yeah. Just needed to clear my head.”
“A run is always good for that,” Lance said. “How’s the rest of you?” He tapped right above his heart and gave a pouty face.
Holden chuckled. “I’m fine, Lance.”
“Are you, though? Because your eyes are sadder than a puppy dog’s.” He shot his gaze down to Scout. “No offense, girl. You know I love those beautiful browns of yours.”
Holden fixed on a false smile. “Maybe I’m not completely fine yet, but I’ll get there. It’ll just take time.”
“Which you actually don’t have a lot of at the moment.” Lance looked at the computer. “Your one o’clock is coming in early.” The jingle from the door cut him off. “Speaking of…”
