Doubt and fear flicker through his eyes as he gazes into mine. I had seen the resemblance in them, but it wasn’t until I felt the weight of my shackles pressing against the softness of the bed that I truly understood. The way he played with my fire, the way he had his own. I am a descendent of the first creation of Khaysus, but it’s Atlas who holds Khaysus’ power. If he wasn’t somehow related, there’s no doubt that my fire would have consumed him without mercy. Thylas lets go of me, and I watch as he paces back and forth across the floor.
“It doesn’t change who you are,” I say, approaching him like he’s a wild animal about to run.
“And who am I, Anara? I am no one. I lost my twin drop. I am a bastard of Shaston. Do I even still hold the title of Ambassador anymore? They should have given the title to Siphonie, I barely held it to begin with," he yells, his voice echoing throughout the silent room.
“You are loyal and you are good ...” I let my hand grab at his bicep, feeling the firmness beneath my fingertips, stopping him in his tracks. “You are one of the most honorable men I have ever met.”
As he scoffs at me, I stand my ground. “I mean it. Thylas, I can’t love you because my heart belongs to another, someone who came before both you and Ereon. But if things were different, you would have had a chance at it.”
His arm sweeps up and his hand cups my face. “If my heart wasn’t already claimed by Carnaxa, you would have had a chance to steal it.” He leans down and his lips find mine. It’s not a kiss ofdesperation, nor one of passion, but one that only those who have loved and lost can understand. A meeting of souls in the depths of what we are, what we’ve had to do, and what we’ve lost. A kiss that will remain with me as long as I walk this land.
We break away from each other, understanding in our eyes. He returns the dagger to the hidden sleeve in his boot before he walks to the door. “Let’s go meet my father.”
fifty-four
Carnaxa
Thylas and I would often run through the workers’ halls to sneak out of the castle and here I am, using them to sneak in. Considering the incident at the main bridge, we concluded that it is crucial to steer clear of as many people as possible until we understand the kingdom’s current situation. Our first task: reach my father’s chambers.
Thanks to the foresight of those who built the castle, hidden entrances and corridors were discreetly installed,ready to be used if necessary. Thylas had a knack for finding them, before he joined theKe Neye,and his curiosity never failed to land us in trouble.
The passageway we find ourselves in now is dark, with a musty smell, and a thick layer of dust that suggests it hasn’t been used in quite some time. The anticipation builds as I near the next bend, where my father’s chambers are located, and worry sets in about what awaits me inside. Ever since my memories resurfaced, I haven’t had a spare moment to process everything that has happened or to figure out the next steps for Thylas and me, either. I know he performed theneni. The aching hole in my heart is proof. I still need to discuss with Ereon the anger that recently twisted my thoughts, I know those thoughts were not my own. With so many things to talk about and do, I long for a moment of stillness to let my overwhelming emotions finally break free. But right now, I can’t. I once was a girl who would wear her heart on her sleeve, but now I must focus on unraveling the mystery surrounding my people, including my father.
My fingers tremble as we step closer to the door that will lead me to him. Ereon’s cool hand grabs my own, steadying my fingers and stopping me. He turns me so I face him, and even though I can’t see him, I feel him. Our shells give off a gentle light between us as he pulls me to him.
“I know these are not my words ...” He brings the back of my knuckles to his lips and kisses them softly. “I’m not him, but I promise to be your safety here. Don’t fear, nothing in this world or the next could keep me from protecting you.”
“I know ...” It’s all I can say in response as I turn, preparing myself for whatever battle may be behind the door. I let my fingers glide across the marbled door and gently push it open to take a tentative step inside. His room is dark except for the small candle near his bed. The moon radiates light through the window, highlighting the balcony on the other side where we would often look up at the moon and think of Mother.
My mother. The Goddess. Did my father know, or was this secret kept strictly from me?
A long sound of a sword being pulled from its sheath stops me. Eldoris, my father’s personal guard, comes into view. The wrinkles around his eyes have increased, but he wears the golden armor with pride as he points his sword at us.
“Eldoris!” I say and run up to him as his sword falls to the side. Eldoris pulls me into him, if he’s here then my father is safe. While his father and my grandfather were lovers, my father and he grew up together. They are friends. Ever since Eldoris was a young man, he’s sworn his allegiance to my father.
“Princess Carnaxa,” he exclaims as he holds me against him, his voice alone a peaceful fountain. “I’m so glad to see you. Your father will be too.”
“So he’s still —” I can’t even say the words. I can’t imagine a world without my father in it.
“Yes, Princess ... he’s weak, but he’s still here with us.Kosæthose Shaston soldiers King Atlas sent. I’m the only one not in chains. They assume I am too old to put up much of a fight.”
I wince as soon as those words leave his mouth. Ereon comes into view along with Siphonie and Rhenor.
“Your Highness,” Eldoris says as he bows. “I apologize, I did not see you. I should have addressed you first as is tradition in Shaston.”
“No need for formality,” Ereon says as Eldoris stands. “You are Antalian and as such should always address Princess Carnaxa, the future queen of Antalis first.” Ereon’s voice is smooth, calming. Eldoris looks between the two of us as he takes in what he hears. A queen, not a queen-consort.
“Yes, Prince ... I am sorry I spoke ill of your father in front of you.”
“I speak ill of my father in front of anyone who will listen,” Ereon retorts, and I hear Rhenor stifle a laugh under a cough.
I look up at Eldoris. “Things have changed ... many things. But right now, I want to see my father.”
He puts his sword back in the sheath on his hip and takes my hand. “This way.”
My father lies on the bed and I have to fight the memories of seeing my mother in the same frail state. Once a proud king, his frame is swallowed up by the bedding around him. His beard, which used to be thick, now has patches of hair missing, and his stark white hair has become tinged with a sickly yellow since I left. I knowwhen I see his eyes they will have the telltale sign of bloodshot veins spreading throughout.
I run to his side of the bed and sit on the edge, grabbing his hand.
