“I’m sorry ... I’ve tried. I feel lost in the dark when I search for the memories. I barely know more than what people have told me about the last few moons. Glimpses and words, but it’s conflicting, and it’s hard to even feel as if they are true. I’m sorry ...” I don’t know why I tell him all this. I don’t have to explainmyself to him.
He is just trying to use you for my crown.
The thought crosses my mind, the same thoughts that made me doubt him. I look up at him, almost begging for a feeling of a ripple to stir or a memory to explain things, because no one can look at someone how he is looking at me and not speak some truth.
He just nods his head and removes his hand. “But you feel it with Ereon?”
“I do.” I take a step back from his suffocating heat. “I saw the twin drop ripples between us on more than one occasion.”
“I’ll fix this, Naxa.” He leans down, kissing my cheek gently. “I’ll make it right. I won’t let you live in the dark anymore.”
He walks away, the tent flaps shifting in his exit, and I stand there. A frustrated scream bursts through me as I slam my fist atop a crate. I just want to feel normal again, to feel like myself.
thirty-three
Anara
“Good, Princess.” I swipe at Carnaxa with the end of my staff but she jumps, avoiding the maneuver I’ve used so many times to take her down. She’s been a quick learner and I hope she’ll stay that way. She’ll need to.
She grunts as she lunges toward me and I barely escape her. A quick learner indeed. I charge, throwing a jab at her feet that she blocks with the heel of her staff. Quickly, I push the tip of my own weapon towards her face, the wood hitting her chin, red blooming from thecontact.
“Ow!” she yells.
The men are still occupied in the council meeting, otherwise they would be furious. They can pretend they want her to learn, but she won’t learn if they continually make it easy for her. The pain is a reminder. I expect her to call a cease, but those bright blue eyes grow and change for a split moment to an almost-white before she blinks and charges me again.
There it is.
She moves so fast that anyone watching us probably wouldn’t see the swings happening as she glides like water through the ring. I block her from the left, then the right, but then I realize my mistake too late as she swiftly swipes out her staff, and I fall on my back against the snow. The chains between my wrist fall across my abdomen and my feet are cold from the wet boots that cover my feet, as if I’ve jumped into a puddle.
Carnaxa walks over to me as I’m trying to catch my breath, and holds out her hand. I grasp the glove with my own and stand, dusting the snow from my rear.
“Are you okay?” she asks. The sun flashes through the clouds.
“Don’t ask your opponent if they are okay. They are your enemy for a reason. The first time you show weakness, they will capitalize on it,” I tell her, grabbing for the canteen.
“I wouldn’t ask an enemy — but you aren’t one,” she says directly, gathering her things back into the pack she carries. She rubs her jaw and I notice the mark around her wrist. It’s getting worse. She told them it burned, but she must not be letting them know how badly it’s hurting.
“How is your leg?” I ask, because she’s no longer walking with a limp like she once did.
“It’s ugly, but it’s healed.” She runs her hand over the inside of her thigh. “Thank you for the ointment.”
“Shaston uses snakes as a symbol for their kingdom, but truly, snakes are wonderful. They can shed their skin and start over. They have stood for so much before Shaston began using the symbol as their own: rebirth, transformation, life. Remember that.”
She smiles at me. “I will, thank you.”
I gather my long hair in my hands, twisting it up into a knot at the top of my head and securing it with a leather tie. The soldiers of thePrelstand close enough to watch the show, but not hear our voices. They rapidly learned to stay away from us during training after Ereon and Thylas started talking with their fists at any soldiers who leered.
We walk back to the main camp, not saying anything between us as we go to the fire to warm our hands. Telling Thylas about my magic was something I didn’t realize I needed to do. It’s nice for once, not having to hide who I am. I haven’t told him everything, but he knows enough.
Carnaxa stands with her back toward the sputtering flame. I reach my hand out and gradually increase its size, letting the feeling of the magic in my veins burn and come alive. I move the flame with a simple twist of my fingers, watching it move and dance. I don’t have full access, not yet ... but soon ... I’ll be like the ones they are afraid of. Using the heat from the flame inside me, I warm my feet and dry my boots from the inside out.
The madness. How little they know, people are scared only because they still believe magic does not exist on this continent. A legend lost to time, along with the Goddess who brought it here. When it first manifests, it’s like an explosion, but soon it’s easy to wield. It’s a part of you — not that they are letting anyone live long enough to learn that truth.
“You control it, don’t you?” Carnaxa’s hushed voice startles me and I snatch my hand away from the fire. I look at her, unsure of what to say. “I’ve watched you ... the flame responds to you. It’s the madness isn’t it?”
It’s obvious her silence these past few moons has been one of choosing, observing everything around her. I lick my lips that are becoming chapped from the icy wind before I respond, “Yes.”
She looks away, then back at me. Her eyes are filled with a mix of curiosity and skepticism. “The shackles inhibit you then,” she remarks.
