“Fate?” My voice shakes as I begin, “There are things you don’t know, Ereon. Many things, and I just ... I can’t keep pretending. Not anymore.”
He wraps his arms around my waist. “You weren’t pretending to love me, so whatever it is, we will get through it, and past it. My father won’t live forever.”
He pulls me into his chest and I wish I could find the same comfort here that I once did. Maybe it was finally seeing her, speaking to her, or watching what happened to her. In Minasa, I was told our knowledge was a blessing, but I will be the one who turned it into a curse.
I let his coolness envelop me for the last time. I should tell him, I need to. His father almost did. I almost told Thylas, but I’m notyet ready to face the truth. Not tonight. Tonight, I want one last memory.
I turn quickly and grab his face, pulling him down to me. He pulls me into him, his arms wrapping around my waist. I don’t break the kiss for air has no importance at this moment. I let his tongue explore my own, dancing a dance it has so many times. The cold chains between my shackles graze his chest and I let myself get lost in the memories, in the moments we’ve shared. The moments I’ve stolen. I just hope that one day, he won’t hate me.
Before I can change my mind, I push against his chest, making him release me. He looks confused as he grapples for breath.
“Go.” I walk to the door, hearing him once again trying to chase me. “Don’t. Ereon. Let me go.”
I open the door and the warm air of the hallway reaches me. I shut the door behind me, not allowing him to plead with me. Because if I give into him right now, I’ll get lost in him once again.
twenty-five
Carnaxa
“Alæ t neni pe , o a læ pengæ pe wæ lomo popo ra læ”
“Daughter of Prophecy.”
“You are weak.”
“Combine the mountain and the valley.”
I shake my head to rid myself of the dreams that never leave. Even now, when I’m awake, the voices plague me. I sit beside Siphonie in our carriage as we head north. Siphonie told me before we left that the men we will meet are those whom Shastondoesn’t want to deal with. So the King sends them up north to help, knowing they will most likely die from the monsters or at one another’s hands.
Memories continue to return in pieces, but nothing seems like my life. It’s like reading a story. I can visualize it, but I can’t truly be the main character. I know what Siphonie has told me, as well as Ereon, and even Rhenor confirmed many things before we left. I know what Thylas said was mostly true — but I don’t know myself enough to know if I really wanted any of this. My hands fist in my lap as my thoughts swirl.
Maybe everyone is lying to you, everyone wants you to fail.
The words scatter across my mind but I ignore them, just like all the other thoughts that seem not to be mine. I run my hands over my face and remove the hood I was forced to wear — and should continue to — in case sunlight comes through the small window near me. I pull out the high ponytail I forced my hair into today to let it flow down my shoulders.
“Are you okay?” Siphonie asks, still too worried to say much. “You look troubled.”
I glare at her. I shouldn’t be angry with her, but I am. I’m more angry with everyone with each passing day, except Ereon. I don’t know if it’s the twin drop or not, but he’s the only one I am not currently irritated with. I scratch at the garish black band around my wrist that seems to burn more as time goes on.
“Just thinking.” I try to smile at her, but I know it doesn’t meet my eyes.
She seems to consider something before pulling something out of her pack. She hands me a worn leather book with four circlesinterlocking in the middle of the cover surrounding a divot. Each circle holds one of the symbols of the elements.
“It was in your possession before the Shaston border.” She takes a breath finding her words. “I found it, and I kept it safe. It has words of your mother’s in its pages, the rest I can’t read — too much Antihana. But I thought, maybe it would bring you some comfort.” She smiles at me.
I lean over and give her a hug. “Thank you so much, Siph.”
“You’re welcome.”
The annoyance and anger I felt earlier gives way as I flip the pages carefully and the Antihana words come into view. Suddenly I spot my mother’s writing:
The prophecy will come to pass. It has to.
“Siph, do you know what this means?” I point to the passage and she smiles, happy that I’ve actually spoken. We haven’t talked as much since theNle Shom. Even Ereon and me. He and I still share a bed because I feel safe with him beside me, but we’ve not really spoken. The last night — our last night in Shaston — he came to bed, but he brought with him a sadness. His coolness swept around me in the darkness as he pulled me close without a word, but the next morning he was already gone, readying everything so we could leave when I woke.
“The prophecy ... the one Queen Natala told us?”
I look at her and shake my head, not sure what she is talking about.
