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Ikick open the door to my bedroom, my blood still pumping from watching my father brand Carnaxa. I fought as hard as I could, but my father was prepared for that. I know he wasn’t fully expecting me to act against him like I did. I’ll pay for that later.
I carry Carnaxa as gently as I can and place her on top of my dark sheets. Carnaxa’s eyelids flutter as she stirs. I grab for the soft leather pouch I hide inside the table beside my bed. Her fingers twitch and I know soon that she’ll wake. I grab out a small vial that contains the last bit of a sleeping aid. She won’t like that sinceshe is just now waking up, but it’s better than dealing with the initial shock and pain of the brand. I want to give her time to heal some and let the worst be past her, hopefully. I’m reaching for the ointment when she screams. As I turn around, I am met with her pale face full of anguish. Her fingers dig towards her wound and I grab at her.
“Princess ... Carnaxa,” I stumble, not knowing what to call her right now. Everything is so confusing. She doesn’t know me, but her soul does. Her body remembered me. The ripples were still there. “I need you to calm down. I’m going to take care of you.”
She fights against me and screams, “Get off me!” Tears pour down her face. I try to put my hands on the top of her shoulders, but when she looks at me, there’s a subtle glaze in her eyes, as if she’s lost in a memory.
“Princess ...Ryehro!”I yell at her, trying to calm her down. I put my arms around her, burying her in my chest and holding her as still as I can as she fights against me. Her fingers dig into my flesh and push against me, trying to tear herself away from me. Her sobbing mingles with screams. My own tears fight to escape because watching her hurt and knowing it is my fault — kills me. I wasn’t the one who put the iron to her, but I’m the reason she’s here. When animals feel scared, it’s important to maintain distance and show your hands — but she’s not an animal. She’s my wife. So I pull her closer into me, letting her take her anger out on me if she must.
As time passes, she starts to breathe more easily, her breaths gradually slow down. I sit and rub her back. I sing a song my mothertaught me, the one thatRyehrocomes from. I softly whisper the words into her hair in Shamilish, hoping they will comfort her before translating.
“Aryem re pyowat shir snil cho irnir yati
toshuw i ryehro s wow mlung i sroskaph shiw nesh
yo hyemtohlo i srel ung tosuwor keshi nyamat
snil i nlem nle pra nyawur sesyu”
“When you’re feeling sad, and hope feels rare,
Remember the moon’s light in the midnight air.
It freezes the dark, makes shadows take flight,
and brightens the world to set things right.”
Since the darkness often brought my father’s wrath, as he worked to hide it in the light from prying eyes, she sang a song to help me remember that if the moon’s light can slice through the darkness, there is always a glimmer of hope in the darkest of moments. Carnaxa, the moon I didn’t know I needed, still weeps in my arms, but she seems to be more in control.
“Can … I … help with the ... burn?” I ask. Nothing is going to make this pain better. Nothing can.
She nods her head before breaking away from my hold. I reach down, my fingers trembling as I draw up her leg to gently drape it across my lap.
I pull up the side of the slip as she looks away. “What is it?”
As I gaze at her with confusion, it becomes clear to me that she is completely unaware of the symbol that now mares her body. “A snake. The symbol of Shaston.” I take a soft cloth and tip a vial of medicine water onto it before lightly dabbing at the spot that covers her from almost the top of her inner thigh to her knee. She hisses and I glance up at her. She’s still not looking at the burn. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
She quickly turns her head to look at me. “You knew? I assumed I had just forgotten.”
I almost want to laugh at the irony, even if I had told her she wouldn’t have remembered. I could lie now and keep myself out of trouble with her, but I won’t. “I knew. I thought I wouldn’t care, but with everything that happened … I wanted to tell you. I planned to when we arrived in Shaston.”
Her leg begins to shake from the pain. I reach for the numbing paste I usually keep on the table but I can’t find it. “Fuck. I must be out of the ointment. I’ll go see if the healer can give me some — if they’ll even let me out.”
I move her leg from my lap, but she grabs my hand. She looks up at me through her dark lashes. “Stay ... I don’t want to be alone. I may not remember, but I saw it too. The twin drop ripples. I felt it. I feel it now. I don’t fully understand, but I am tired of being in the dark. Siphonie hasn’t had a lot of time to talk to me and Ican see her holding back. I can tell she is trying to make sure I’m ready for whatever she plans to tell me. But I need to know. I can’t let something else like this catch me off guard. Not again ... it’s happened before too, I think. I refuse to let it happen a third time.”
Behind the tears in her eyes, behind the fear, I see it — the same look I saw the night the ripples ebbed. The strength she holds inside, the strength she’ll need.
“I need to get the cream. I think you’re still in a bit of shock, but the pain will return.” I look around and see the sleeping aide. “I can give you something to help you sleep. We can find the ointment tomorrow when you feel better.”
She looks at the vial with suspicion. Yet, she directs her eyes towards the shell buried within my chest. She responds with a nod. I give her the vial and she sips the liquid down.
“It will work fast. Do you want to change clothes? I need to.” I look down at the blood that splatters my skin, still wearing the traditional garment. I’ll need to wash the blood off once she goes to sleep. “I can go to your room and get something or —”
“No. Just give me one of your tunics.” Carnaxa moves her leg from my lap and releases my hand.
I stand up and walk to the wardrobe, grabbing two of my softest tunics. One for her and one to cover my bloodstained chest for now. I lay the dark brown garment on the bed beside her and turn around.