The words catch in my throat and the tears escape, “She would have let them take the only thing I have control of anymore.” My body begins to shake and my ribs hurt from it. I lean over as sobs rack my body. Siphonie grabs me and pulls me close.
Siphonie sits, holding me against her chest, rocking slowly back and forth. I don't want to be this person, one who says nothing, I don't want to believe in someone who may not be there. I'm ready ... ready to make my own choices, at least the ones I can.
At some point, I must have fallen back into exhaustion, because the next thing I know, I’m waking up in a dark room. For a moment I panic, putting my hand over my heart, thinking I must be back in the woods and my rescue was nothing more than a dream. Then I see a small, lit torch — I’m inside my tent. I look around for Thylas and don’t see him anywhere. That's odd.
Standing on shaking legs, I do my best to find my robe and wrap it around me. The familiar comfort bringing me even more peace. Underneath it I wear just the nightwear I brought with me, someone must have changed me. Which I'm glad for, I hope they burned the dress I was brought back in. I don't want any physical reminders of this night. Well … except for what I'm about to do.
I don't know when exactly I decided to pursue this, to take something back. I want to be the one in control of the one thing I still have. I don’t fully get my kingdom and I don't get to choose my husband, but I do still have a piece of me that will be mine to give. My cheeks flush as I remember the feeling of being in Ereon's embrace and the way his eyes softened toward me.
I slip on my sandals and leave the safety of my tent. Most soldiers are asleep, but I notice Thylas and Ereon at a table near the center of camp. Both of them look relaxed, their legs stretched out in front of them.
Thylas throws his cards across the table, standing up, frustrated, “I'm done with this. It's late.”
Well, I thought they looked relaxed, but obviously something is on his mind or they were arguing. I'm not sure which. Ereon raises his head and looks in my direction, a smile lighting his face. “Princess ...”
Thylas turns and walks my way. Emerald eyes take me in and I fidget with the hem of my sleeve, feeling much less confident then I did a moment ago. “I'm alive.”
“That's always good to hear,Nohæ. We have been checking on you, but we were also letting you get your rest.” He reaches up, running his hand down my arm before wrapping it around my waist and leading me back to where he was sitting. He motions for me to sit down in the chair he just occupied. My legs still are sore so I oblige.
“Careful Princess, you've had a long day. Maybe we should get you back inside.” Ereon leans back in his chair, running his hand through his beard. His eyes glance up at Thylas, an understanding passing between them before he says, “We were done here anyway.” He motions for his men who are hidden in the shadows. How did he get away from them to come find me?
Maybe he sees the surprise on my face because he lets out a low chuckle. “They aren't too happy about me disappearing.But when we brought you back to camp they realized why I left. Although, I doubt I will escape their notice anytime soon.”
I glance back at Thylas, a feeling I understand too well. He always watched me more closely the days after I successfully escaped his dutiful eyes.
“Siph ...” I cough, grabbing someone's water from the table before taking a sip. “Siphonie said the deluc is getting worse? My father is secluding himself from the people?”
They look quickly at each other, whatever happened when I was taken has changed their interactions. They are different and I don’t know why.
Thylas kneels beside me. “Yes. I'm sure she told you that your father sent people to the Southern Continent. Try not to worry, your father is just being cautious, that's all.”
“Yes, well, he may be, but his kingdom’s subjects are not. Ereon” – I look back at him, his honey eyes drawing me in as he leans in, resting his forearms on the table – “we need to discuss the deluc with your father soon, develop a plan to help Antalis. I will not let my people suffer.”
“We ... can try,” he answers honestly and in a hushed tone. His eyes search mine, probably looking for something to better understand my true motives given I’ve been silent up until now. “My father may prioritize other plans in the Kingdom of Shaston, but we can try. You will have to try not to draw attention to yourself, you will have to follow the laws of Shaston. No questions asked.”
Seems a fair trade, his father is set I'm sure, in the tradition of his people. When we reach the Shaston border what will be expected of me will be so unfamiliar, so foreign, and so suffocating. But I'll do what I must. “Fine. I'll trust you in this. I'll trust you'll help me help my people. Our people.” A look of doubt flashes across his eyes before he sits back up straight, nodding his head.
I start to stand when a slight pain from the night’s events reverberates through my side and I stumble, both Ereon and Thylas are on either side of me in a moment.
“Don't worry, Princess, I got you,” Ereon confirms, as he holds on to me.
Thylas nods his head toward my tent, “Maybe, we should get you to the bed after all huh,Nohæ?”
Ereon's mens’ boots thump across the ground behind us as we make our way to my tent. The crickets are chirping loudly tonight, almost like a song. I can still smell the rain, even though it has stopped. I can do without the rain, but I won't go without one last night of freedom. Tonight, I'll take control of the only thing I have left that's mine.
thirty-four
CARNAXA
The mens’ presence fills my tent with tension. It's wrapping around the three of us, and I once thought that my tent was of decent size, but with both men in here, I'm not so sure anymore. The guards stayed outside, three steps away from what I heard Ereon tell them.
And now we stand here, oddly, everyone unsure of what to do. Would Thylas want to even stay in here after all that's happened the last few days? We still have so many things left unsaid, andEreon for once looks like a small, shy boy. He sways from one foot to the other. Meanwhile, Thylas' eyes match the same ones that he had the night we almost found ourselves in each other, the night I wanted so badly. The night I still want.
“We'll let you rest,” Thylas is the one to speak through the silence. I don't want to be alone. Not tonight, I don't want to remember the things that were done to me, I don't want this to be my last memory before I step onto foreign sands. Not that Midaeliea is home, but at least here, it feels familiar. When I cross the border, all sense of comfort will be stripped away.
“Don't go ...” my voice comes out breathy and I try to regain my composure. I clear my throat and stand up straighter, trying to appear braver than I currently feel. “I don't want to be alone tonight, not after everything that happened. I don't wantthatto be my last memory of this place, I want something more.”
Thylas stops and takes a long sigh. I know he's fighting with himself, even with his back to me. Fighting because if he stays, he knows what I want. I want him to stay, I’ve always wanted him to stay. Ereon takes a breath and his face becomes one of resolution as he walks up beside Thylas. He's probably going to remind him that it's not his place to stay with me, because I’m not Thylas’ woman.
